Wands up!
Why wasn't Voldemort at the Yule Ball?
He had no body to go with.
What do Death Eaters eat for breakfast?
Cruci-os
Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
They're double crossers
How many Voldemorts does it take to light up a wand?
None. Why do you think they call him the Dark Lord?
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
He's dead, you can say his name now.
Why does Dobby keep criticizing himself?
He has low elf esteem.
What do you call a Headmaster of Hogwarts who doesn't speak clearly?
Mumbledore
What do you call a Headmaster of Hogwarts who keeps tripping on his cloak?
Stumbledore
What do you call a boy wizard who is planning to overthrow the government?
Harry Plotter
Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
Because Draco crossed the road.
J K Rowling-in-the-dough
Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So no one could tell which side he was on.
How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don't use lightbulbs.
What happened when Hedwig lost her voice?
She didn't give a hoot.
What do you get when you cross the Dark Lord with Harry Potter?
Dead.
What do you call a Hogwarts teacher with a bad attitude?
Moody
What do you call a movie about a boy wizard who is unhappy with a photo lab's service?
Harry Potter and the half-dark prints
How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
And I saved our three favorites for last...
What did Voldemort say when Wormtail asked if the Dark Lord could really rise again?
"Yes, but you may have to give me a hand."
If Hermione was abandoned what would she be called?
The Lone Granger
What did Harry's godfather say when Harry wouldn't stop poking him?
"Stop that, Harry. I'm Sirius."
Do you know any good Harry Potter jokes that you didn't see here? Please leave them in the comments!
19 comments:
You have touched on two of my favorite things: Jokes and Harry Potter. I have a couple.
1. What do you call a Hufflpuff with two braincells?
Gifted
2. Where can you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleevy. (Boooooo!)
3. Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you'll never know which side he's on.
Snape: Headmaster, I'm afraid the Dark Lord has returned.
Dumbledore: Are you serious?
Snape: No, I'm Severus
What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs
Harry: Surely you can't be serious
Sirius: I am Sirius and don't call me Shirley
LOVE these!! How have I never seen them before??
Hahaha. All these are awesome. Somehow I have missed all the Harry Potter jokes.
To be honest, ive read every book and im seven...
Hahaha. All these are awesome.
this site
Why was Harry really the Boy Who Lived? Because Tom didn't think to Riddle him with bullets, duh.
What is Harry's birthstone? A Rubeus
voldemort: Knock KNOCK
PERSON: WHOS THERE?
VOLDE: YOU KNOW
PERSON: YOU KNOW WHO?
VOLDEMORT: EXACTLY AVADA KEDAVRA!
What did Harry Potter say when he saw Ron Weasley playing tennis and dressed as a prisoner from Azkaban
you cannot be sirius!
what do the adds for Slytherin say
slither in to slitheryn and get a free job for Voldemort
What what would Voldemort name his kid if he married a witch?
Moldywort
cool jokes
Cool
Harry nothing can bring back the dead except the time Turner but we'll use that to save buck beak
Regulus: Mum! Sirius got kicked out of school for using Black magic!
Mum: Oh! So now he's embracing the family spirit!
Sirius' Brain: Why is my name Sirius Black?
How many you-know-whos does it take to light up a wand?
None. They don't call him the DARK Lord for nothing.
What do you call a Hogwarts teacher with a bad attitude?
Moody.
The past tree are mine... I am such a potterhead... My house is Ravenclaw...Who else?
(Hufflepuff you are awesomeness)
(Gryffindor you are show-offs)
(Slytherin... You are just... Wow...)
~AND MY FELLOW RAVENCLAWS YOU ARE PLAIN AMAZING~
What is the difference between a comma and Crookshanks? A comma is a pause at the end of a clause, and Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws
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