Monday, November 11, 2013

Jokes For Kids: Harry Potter Edition

Wands up!  

Why wasn't Voldemort at the Yule Ball?
He had no body to go with.

What do Death Eaters eat for breakfast?

Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
They're double crossers

How many Voldemorts does it take to light up a wand?
None. Why do you think they call him the Dark Lord?

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
He's dead, you can say his name now.

Why does Dobby keep criticizing himself?
He has low elf esteem.

What do you call a Headmaster of Hogwarts who doesn't speak clearly?

What do you call a Headmaster of Hogwarts who keeps tripping on his cloak?

What do you call a boy wizard who is planning to overthrow the government?
Harry Plotter

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
Because Draco crossed the road.

What do you call the author who made billions of dollars from her Harry Potter series?
J K Rowling-in-the-dough

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So no one could tell which side he was on.

How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None.  They don't use lightbulbs.

What happened when Hedwig lost her voice?
She didn't give a hoot.

What do you get when you cross the Dark Lord with Harry Potter?

What do you call a Hogwarts teacher with a bad attitude?

What do you call a movie about a boy wizard who is unhappy with a photo lab's service?
Harry Potter and the half-dark prints

How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.  He holds it and the world revolves around him.

And I saved our three favorites for last...

What did Voldemort say when Wormtail asked if the Dark Lord could really rise again?
"Yes, but you may have to give me a hand."

If Hermione was abandoned what would she be called?
The Lone Granger

What did Harry's godfather say when Harry wouldn't stop poking him?
"Stop that, Harry. I'm Sirius."

Do you know any good Harry Potter jokes that you didn't see here?  Please leave them in the comments!


Tami Anderson said...

You have touched on two of my favorite things: Jokes and Harry Potter. I have a couple.

1. What do you call a Hufflpuff with two braincells?

2. Where can you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleevy. (Boooooo!)

3. Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you'll never know which side he's on.

Petersons said...

Snape: Headmaster, I'm afraid the Dark Lord has returned.
Dumbledore: Are you serious?
Snape: No, I'm Severus

What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts? Hufflepuffs

Harry: Surely you can't be serious
Sirius: I am Sirius and don't call me Shirley

A Lark said...

LOVE these!! How have I never seen them before??

Maleen said...

Hahaha. All these are awesome. Somehow I have missed all the Harry Potter jokes.

Alice Loder said...

To be honest, ive read every book and im seven...

photo funny said...

Hahaha. All these are awesome.

this site

Anonymous said...

Why was Harry really the Boy Who Lived? Because Tom didn't think to Riddle him with bullets, duh.

Anonymous said...

What is Harry's birthstone? A Rubeus

Anonymous said...

voldemort: Knock KNOCK

What did Harry Potter say when he saw Ron Weasley playing tennis and dressed as a prisoner from Azkaban

you cannot be sirius!

grace martin said...

what do the adds for Slytherin say

slither in to slitheryn and get a free job for Voldemort

What what would Voldemort name his kid if he married a witch?


Anonymous said...

cool jokes

Anonymous said...

cartoonme46(moviestarplanet) said...


Anonymous said...

Harry nothing can bring back the dead except the time Turner but we'll use that to save buck beak

Anonymous Reader said...

Regulus: Mum! Sirius got kicked out of school for using Black magic!

Mum: Oh! So now he's embracing the family spirit!

Sirius' Brain: Why is my name Sirius Black?

Anonymous Reader said...

How many you-know-whos does it take to light up a wand?

None. They don't call him the DARK Lord for nothing.

Anonymous Reader said...

What do you call a Hogwarts teacher with a bad attitude?


Anonymous Reader said...

The past tree are mine... I am such a potterhead... My house is Ravenclaw...Who else?

(Hufflepuff you are awesomeness)
(Gryffindor you are show-offs)
(Slytherin... You are just... Wow...)