When I find new jokes I need to keep them somewhere that I won't lose them. This is that place.
Here's a collection of jokes that have gone into my kids' lunches this year:
Why did the old man fall into the well?
He couldn't see that well.
How many monsters are good at math?
None, unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a chicken who counts her own eggs?
A mathemachicken.
What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a melon?
Melon-collie
What do you call two guys who hang out above a window?
Kurt and Rod
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plane bagel.
What do you call a camel with no humps?
Humphrey
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wassabee!
Why are turkeys smarter than chickens?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?
Why did Waldo go to a therapist?
To find himself!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs
What rock group has four guys who can't sing?
Mount Rushmore
What happened when the turkey got in a fight?
It got the stuffing knocked out of it!
Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full!
What do you call an owl who does magic tricks?
Whooo-dini
Why can't you run through a campground?
You can only RAN, because it's past tents.
Why didn't the koala get the job?
It wasn't koala-fied
How do you spell ninjas?
S. (The ninja is silent)
How do you know when the moon is going broke?
When it's down to its last quarter.
What did the vegetable say after a long day at work?
I'm beet.
What happens when a magician gets mad?
He pulls out his hare.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do knights do when they're scared of the dark?
They turn on their knight lights.
What happened when the girl ate a clock?
It was very time consuming!
What do you call a herd of sheep rolling down a hill?
A lambslide
If you have cheese, but no crackers, what are you?
Cracka-lackin'
What happened when the man entered ten puns into a contest to see if one would win?
No pun in ten did.
What do you call a tired pea?
Sleep pea.
Have you heard the joke about Elton John?
It's a little bit funny.
Why can't you share secrets at a bank?
There are too many tellers!
What do you call an upset brownie?
A frownie.
Did you hear the song about the tortilla?
Actually, it was more of a wrap.
What do you call a group of singing dinosaurs?
A tyranno-chorus
What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spec-tater
What do you call a moose with no name?
Anony-moose
What's the difference between Batman and a robber?
Batman can go into a store without Robin.
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend so much time at C.
How many seconds are in a year?
12! (January 2nd, February 2nd, etc.)
How does the sky pay its bills?
With a raincheck
I invented a new word today! It's...
PLAGIARISM
What's a dentists' favorite dance?
The floss.
Are balloon animals smart?
No, they're airheads.
What did one nut say when it was chasing another nut?
I'm a cashew
Where do insects shop?
At flea markets
Why is it hard to hire a clown?
They have big shoes to fill
What do you call a policeman's uniform?
A lawsuit
What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
It's jelly-button
How does Jupiter hold up her pants?
With an asteroid belt
How do you tell the gender of an ant?
Throw it in the water. If it sinks = girl ant. If it floats = buoyant.
Why should you never run with bagpipes?
You might get kilt!
How do leaves get from place to place?
In autumn-mobiles
What do you call bears with no ears?
B
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Doggone!
What city never stays in the same place?
ROME
