Saturday, March 21, 2009

Making The Best Of It

(photo from

Today I was at WalMart getting an oil change. The wait? 1 hour, 15 minutes.

No problem, I thought, trying to make the best of it. I can go to the bank, purchase some groceries and eat a small container of Cherry Garcia all by myself.
I finished my business at the bank. Bought groceries, including Cherry Garcia. Sat on a bench and consumed my treat. Checked the time: only an hour had passed.

Close enough, I assumed, heading back to the automotive center.

"Your car has not even come into the garage yet. It will be at least another hour," the boy with 2 humongous holes in his earlobes told me.

"I was told an hour and 15 minutes," I replied (sweetly).

"You were told wrong. It's at least another hour," Earlobe Boy answered (teenagerishly).

I decided to peruse the electronics section.

Then the music aisles.

And then the toys.

I wandered aimlessly, scanning the Legos and action figures and trains and princess clothing before I came to them: the Littlest Pet Shop figures. And suddenly I came alive. Remember this post? Well, my birthday is THIS WEEK and I had forgotten all about the little doggy who came with his own potty training accessories!! I totally deserve it I convinced myself as I rummaged through the LPS animals.

Another lady came along and joined me.

"Looking for a certain one?" she asked. "My daughter has almost all of them," she told me with a smile.

"Actually, yes, I am looking for a certain one..." I answered, continuing my search. Turtles, cats and fish (oh, my!)... but not the doggy I was looking for.

"I can help you find it," she continued. "Is it a bird? Some of those are tough to find."

Me: "It's a dog."

Lady: "What comes with it?"

Me: "Um, a newspaper... and a shovel... and a little plastic (trying to keep my composure and be mature...) poop."

Lady: "What?"

Me: "A plastic pile of poop."

Lady: "They don't make one like that."

Me: "Actually, I saw one at KMart a while back. I wanted my daughter to get it but she thought it was disgusting."

Lady: (knowingly) "Okay." (looking up and down the aisle) "Is there a camera somewhere?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Lady: "You know, like, Surprise! We got you!"

Me: (seriously trying to suppress my laughter) "Nope, no camera. I'm really looking for a little dog that comes with its own pooper scooper and poop."

Lady: "Hmmm." (continues to look, quietly)

I investigated every single package (to no avail!) before hearing Earlobe Boy announce my name over the intercom. My vehicle was ready. No toys for me today.

"You have a good one," I told my fellow LPS toys-peruser as I turned to leave.

"Plastic turd toys. Leave it to KMart," she said under her breath.

I haven't stopped smiling yet.


annette said...

I loved that she was so incredulous that she thought you were from Candid Camera! (Remember that show? Certainly an old fav.)

Actually, I'm surprised Kmart would actually carry something so unique. Improves my opinion of them.

maria said...

Gerb - it's Maria - I SO thought of YOU when I read this post on a favorite website of mine: Tanner the Barbie dog. "A toy only Gerb would buy," thought I. Then BAM - here is this most recent post from you. Knew it. LOVE YOU! P.S. Four kids later...I'm pretty comfortable with the word "poop." Thought you'd be glad to know. :)

Jon and Maryanne said...

Thats so funny! Kambria loves Littlest Pet Shop and every time we look at them I look for that same one (after seeing it in your first post about it). I have never found it, but if I ever do I will be buying it! :) Too funny!

Gerb said...

Annette- That cracked me up, too. She was so serious about it - which made it even better.

MARIA!! Why has it taken you so long to leave a comment on here?! And why do you not have your own blog?! And how do you have 4 kids already and I didn't know about it?! You totally made my day. I can't wait to see you face to face again so we can talk 'poop'.

Maryanne- I am regretting not buying it when I saw it. It's a classic, to be sure.

Panama Jones said...

Patience is the art of finding something else to do while waiting. Good for you! Not only did you make the most of it, but you also got material to blog about. I would calll that an unqualified success!