It's Still Funny

picture from here

I have mentioned before that I always include a joke or quote with my kids' school lunches. Yesterday's joke was:

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for his lousy summer.

When I picked the kids up from school yesterday, we had the following conversation about the joke:

Princess: Mom! That joke you gave me today was SO funny! It made me laugh and laugh! I could NOT stop laughing right there in the lunchroom! Oh, my gosh. I was laughing SO hard. But...what does it even mean?

Me: Wait. You mean you laughed your head off and you didn't even understand the joke?

Princess: Right.

Cowgirl: Oh, my gosh, Princess. I can't believe you didn't get it. It is SO funny! It means that Humpty Dumpty jumped off the wall because his summer was so lousy.

Me: What? No. When it says he had a great 'fall' and a lousy 'summer', they are talking about the seasons. It could have said 'Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great autumn' or 'Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great winter' but then it wouldn't have fit with what is said in the nursery rhyme.

Princess and Cowgirl: WHAT?

Me: The word 'fall' in this joke has two different meanings. One is the season after summer. The other is when gravity makes you drop to the ground. So the joke here is that he didn't actually have a great fall to the ground, he had a great fall, as in autumn, to make up for his lousy summer. Now do you get it?

Princess: OH! Yeah, now I get it. That is pretty funny. I guess that's why it made me laugh so hard.

Hubba: That joke is dumb.

Creative Writing

I will be the first to admit that I am partial to my kids' creativity. But this? This is awesome.

Hubba's kindergarten teacher gave this to me at parent/teacher conference last week:

In case you can't decipher it, it reads:

Where is my?
Hot DoG?
It is on my hed.

She asked the kids to write a short story and draw a picture to go along with it. She said that Hubba's was a class favorite. And how could it not be? It just screams Hubba - creative, funny and unexpected.

It makes me laugh every time I think about it. It is, in my biased opinion, the best short story - ever.

Ten Second Tales

As we were driving home from a shopping trip well past nap time the other day, Little O was restless and fussy. Curly took it upon herself to tell him some stories in an attempt to calm him down - and it worked.

I noticed she was saying "The End" about every 10 seconds so I decided to listen in on these quick tales she was fabricating for her little brother. It took everything in me to not laugh out loud as I marveled over her creative genius. At each stoplight I would quickly jot down what I could remember of her stories before it was time to drive again.

Here are the three I was able to capture on paper for your reading pleasure:

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was a very nice little girl. Then she fell off a cliff. The End.

Once upon a time there was a robot. It was a very ignoying little robot p-cuz it wanted to be a human. So every time he pretended to do human stuff, I just unplugged him. Someone had to teach him a lesson! The End.

Once upon a time there was a little tiny house. It was a house for a chick-munk family. They loved their cute little house. But one day they looked out the window and saw a bear! They got so scared! But really it was just a pretend bear that someone put up for a Christmas decoration. They never left their house again. The End.

I'm thinking she could publish a book of short stories and have her college fund all squared away before the age of five.

I could listen to these all day!

Cookies For Santa

Awesome.

Together We Can

The following conversation was overheard during dinner this week:

All-a-Boy: "The Reflections contest is coming up soon. I think I'm going to draw a picture for my entry. The theme is 'Together We Can' so I think I want to draw a clown fish and a sea anemone and title it 'Together We Can Be Safe'."

Cowgirl: "Want to know what I'm going to do?"

All-a-Boy: "No. You'll probably draw a clown fish and an anemone just to copy me."

Princess: "Or you could draw a cute puppy!"

Cowgirl: "No, I want to take a picture of you two with your arms around each other and call it 'Together We Can Do Anything.' "

Hubba: "Well, I'll draw a puppy. No, I'll draw TWO puppies. Two puppies POOPING! And I'll call it 'Together We Can Poop'!"



You've gotta love the mind of a 5-year-old boy.

Picture Day

It's picture day at the elementary school today.

I used to dread this day... having to wake up early enough to get the girls' hair just so, making sure that everyone's clothes were acceptable and their milk-mustaches from breakfast were washed away.

Well, we stopped ordering school pictures a few years back so now I allow the kids a bit of creative license. Two of the elementary schoolers are sickies today, but here's what the other two came up with...
Now? I LOVE picture day.

I just hope their teachers have a good sense of humor.

Laws Help Us

photo from internetjournalist.com

Today's 5-6 year-old Sunday School lesson was on obeying laws. As part of our discussion I posed this question to my class:

What are some laws and rules that are there to help us?

Here are my favorite answers:

"You have to wear seatbelts in the car... except when you're driving to church, because it's just right close by."

"Keep your house clean or it will look like trash... white trash."

"You can NOT marry your sister. Or ANYone in your same family."

And She's Only Seven

photo from runnerspace.com

As I was dropping off my two oldest girls for Cross Country practice yesterday afternoon, Cowgirl noticed that one of the boys at practice was not wearing a shirt.

"SICK!" she exclaimed. "Why doesn't that guy put his shirt on?!"

When we returned to pick them up awhile later Cowgirl pointed out the same shirtless young man.

"I wish that guy would just put his shirt back on! That is gross."

"Stop looking at him, then, Cowgirl," I responded.

"I can't help it! I'm not trying to look at him!" she told me in an exasperated voice.

Then, from the seat behind her, Princess flashed a sly smile and piped in, "Well, I am..."




Heaven help me.

Quick Quips

From the mouths (and pens) of my kids...


"I just talkded but I didn't thinkded."

"Stuff is not things! Stuff is just stuff!"


(The following conversation took place at 4:15 a.m.)
"Mom?"
(disoriented) "Huh?"
"MOM!?"
"YES?!"
(excited) "Thank you!"


(The following conversation took place at 2:00 a.m.)
Curly, age 3: "Mom, can you forgive me cuz of all the mean and bad fings I already done before?"
Me: "Yes. I forgive you."
Curly: "And do you love me so, so much?"
Me: "Yes, I really do."
Curly: "Then maybe can you scoot over and let me sleep in your bed wif you?"


"When I go to school, if I write that my name is Star Wars and tell my teacher that my name is Star Wars, will she call me that? Or should I just tell her to call me Secret Agent?"

"I don't want to be a fighterfighter when I grow up anymore. I want to be a secret agent because they have missiles on their helicopters. All fighterfighters have is big water guns."

"When you say I am in big trouble it just makes me so sad that you are listening to Satan again."

Quality Time

First off, for some reason I feel like I need to explain that I do not have any favorite kids.

Okay, actually, that is a lie.

The truth is that different kids are my favorite at different times for different reasons. But it sure seems as if I write an awful lot about Hubba on here. This is because he is the oldest of the kids I spend all day with and the brains behind all of their shenanigans.

That said, here is another Hubba story for today.

Yesterday I was on the computer all morning. Hubba does not like days like this because he is a computer addict. Nearly every 5 minutes he would ask me, "Can I play on Lego dot com?" I kept telling him that he'd have to wait. He even resorted to asking, "Can I play on Starfall dot com? It's edja-k-shunal..." And then after a while he switched to, "Would you watch a movie with me mom? Pleeeeeeeeease?"

I started to feel bad. The poor kid just wanted to spend some time with me. So I consented. I asked which movie he'd like to watch and he chose the one movie we had gotten for the older kids. "Seriously, Hubba? We could watch Thomas or UP," I told him.

"No, let's watch the big kid movie. It's a good movie."

So, Hubba, Curly, Little O and I snuggled under blankets and started to watch. About 5 minutes into it Hubba asked me, "Do you like this movie, mom?" I told him it was good but I needed to get something in the kitchen. Usually I can get the kids preoccupied and go back to what I was working on, but no such luck today. "Pleeeeeease watch the movie with us, Mom?"

We settled in. About 15 minutes into it, I was enjoying the movie. Hubba asked again, "Do you like this movie, Mom?"

"Yes," I answered. "It's very good. Do you like it?"

"Yeah," he responded. "But I already watched it before. Can I go play the computer now?"

Can you believe that the entire watch-a-movie-with-me thing was a ploy? This boy has the most devious little mind!




And I like it.

Donut Dilemma

Many mornings I choose to forgo a shower simply because I never know what will happen with my littlest 3 munchkins when they have the house to themselves. However, this morning Little O was still in bed and Curly and Hubba seemed preoccupied with Legos so I decided to go for it. I locked the special 'Hubba lock' we installed on the door (even though he's got it all figured out) and went for the shower.

When I stepped out of the shower I almost immediately noticed something was wrong... it was too quiet. If you've ever been around toddlers then you know that silence = trouble. I called for Hubba and Curly but they would not respond. I checked the doors; all were still locked. At least that was a good sign. Then I walked into the kitchen and saw this:
Those little hooligans had gotten into the chocolate waxy donuts and EATEN EVERY ONE! I opened the box of crumb donuts... one left. Little O, who was now awake, held his chubby hand out to me, gave me a cheesy grin and said, "Me?" I can't resist my Little O, so I handed it over. I sighed. Those boxes were still at least half full! But alas, no donuts left for me. Such is life. I reminded myself that I don't really like those boxed donuts anyway and called for Curly and Hubba again. This time they came bounding up the stairs.

"What, Mom?" Hubba asked innocently, arriving first.

"What happened to my donuts?" I asked. "Did you guys eat them all?"

"Nope," he told me.

Curly came up the stairs behind him. Looking like this:

GUILTY!

"Curly, did you eat all the donuts?"

(guilty look) "Nuh-uh."

"Curly, are you telling me the truth? You didn't eat all the donuts?"

(She looks at Hubba, the ring-leader. He shakes his head no.) "Nuh-uh."

"Hubba," I ask, pointing. "What is that on Curly's mouth?"

"Chock-a-lick donuts," he answers me, confidently.

"And you're telling me that you guys didn't eat all the donuts?"

"Nope. We din-it eat them all... there's one crumb donut still. Go look in the box."

I had to turn my back so they wouldn't see me smiling over the pure genius of their devious little plan. And then Hubba had the gall to ask, "Can I have that last donut?"

I am raising rascals.

He Will Always Be Life In The Snow

What in the world does this picture of Allen have to do with this post? Wait for it...

Because I love music it pains me to hear lyrics which are sung incorrectly.

My oldest brother, Toby, will forever be etched in my memory as a destroyer of songs. Give him a perfectly good song and he can sing it in a way that you never dreamed possible.

I pleaded and reasoned with him numerous times but I could never get him to sing the lyrics the right way. Why? Because he was right, of course, being the oldest brother. This was in the days before internet, before looking up song lyrics with the click of a button. It was a case of his-word-against-mine and he wasn't one to admit defeat easily.

One lyric that he was adamant about was: "Every Time You Go Away, you take a piece of meat with you."

Huh?

"Toby," I would rationalize, "why would someone take a piece of meat with them every time they go away? It just doesn't make sense. The lyric is 'take a piece of ME with you.'"

Then he would come back with, "What does that mean? Take a piece of the guy with her? So, is she like an axe murderer or something? Is this a song about dismemberment?"

Which, actually, I'll have to admit he's got a point with that one. But meat? No.

And don't even get me started on his rendition of Groove Tonight. Did anyone else think they said, 'stethoscope' instead of 'let this groove'? What does a stethoscope have to do with getting your groove on?

One day when I was singing Losing My Religion Toby would not stop laughing. "What is so funny?" I finally asked, annoyed. So he sang back to me what he thought I was singing: "Let's pee in the corner... let's pee in the spotlight..." I just told him that one was right so he could sing it that way around his friends. I mean, who am I to tell my older brother that he's wrong?

It could be that it just runs in the family. My dad always requested that we play Madonna's Material Girl. We eventually figured out that by reading our lips as we sang along he thought we were singing about his favorite cereal and that Madonna was professing "I'm a Cheerio girl".

One of my favorites, though, has to be the misunderstood lyric that I caught my own husband singing. You know the song Endless Love? (If you click on that link please make a game of counting the grammatical atrocities in the video.) One day it began to play over the car radio and, as is standard, we were singing along. At the end of the chorus when it says, "You will always be...my endless love," I heard him sing "you will always be...life in the snow." "Life in the snow?" I asked. "Yeah, that's what they say. Life in the snow." I put that in context for him, reminded him of the title to the song and he immediately realized his error. You know what the best part is? That song's been around forEVER and that's how he always sang it. I can't help but remind him of that every so often. Life in the snow! (giggle)

Anyway, I know it's not only my family; I think misunderstood lyrics are as common as sliced bread. And one thing's for sure... as long as songs exist, there will continue to be people who annihilate the lyrics.

And I will be here to correct them.

The Golden Rule

Today's Sunday School lesson was all about the golden rule and making good choices. After an extensive message on doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, I gave the kids examples of situations they could be faced with and then asked what would be the right thing to do.

I asked Super C what he would do if he found a wallet full of money on the street near his house.

"Give the money to someone who needs money?" he asked.

"Well, that would be very nice for someone who needs money, but you could maybe look inside and see who it belongs to..."

"And buy them some gum?" he asked.

"Well, no..." I started to answer, but then he excitedly answered,

"Oh, I know! So the people who need money that you gaved the money to can tell them thank you!"

Close enough.

Next I asked Hubba what he would do if he was playing baseball in someone's yard and broke a neighbor's window. His response was immediate.

"Run!"

"No," I told him, "you don't run. They would probably see you running off anyway and then you'd be in even more trouble. What would be the right thing to do?"

"Hide?"

*sigh* Sometimes I wonder if I am actually teaching these kids anything.

But this much is true; they certainly know how to make me laugh.

Yo Ho Yo Ho

Thumbelina recently told me of her desire to design and custom-create her own dress. I saw this as an opportunity to dust off my sewing machine and agreed to help her in this pursuit.

She has a notebook that she likes to sketch in and it was filled with all sorts of different dress designs. She chose her favorite and we searched until finding a pattern to match it as well as a fabric that she felt good about.

We began to cut out the pattern pieces we would need and Hubba watched, interested in the whole production. As we laid the pattern out to determine placement on the fabric, Hubba asked what we were doing.

"Thumbelina's making a dress," I told him.

"Oh," he casually replied. "But when is she making the pirate hat?"

I looked quizzically at Thumbelina. She shrugged.

"She's not making a pirate hat. She's making a dress," I repeated.

"Oh," he answered again.

We pinned the pattern pieces to the fabric, ensuring that they all lay in the same direction. Hubba continued to watch with interest. When Thumbelina began to cut the fabric he asked again, "When are you gonna make that pirate hat?"

"What pirate hat, Hubba?" I asked.

"This one," he showed me, pointing.


Well, shiver me timbers. I have never noticed that a short-sleeve pattern piece looked like a pirate hat.

Good call, Matey.

A Woman's Work Is Never Done

Three out of three UDOT males agree...   Manual labor is women's work.
Today I am thankful that my brother likes to take awesome pictures with his iPhone. Thanks, Chip!

Creative Genius

On Sunday our family enjoyed dinner with cousins Glen and Jeannette. It is not often that our large family is invited over for dinner - and understandably so. However, Glen and Allen were born less than a week apart from each other and grew up more as brothers than cousins, so we were invited over and enjoyed celebrating their birthdays together.

Cousin Glen (pronounced Guh-Len, in case you wanted to know) was thoughtful enough to get Allen a gift in celebration of his upcoming big 4-0. The difficult part of wrapping a gift from one manly-man to another is that whole cutesy factor. I mean, they don't exactly make gift bags and tissue paper with ATVs and mud and guns plastered all over them. Well, with a little tape and creative genius, cousin Glen solved that problem.


One word: Awesome.

p.s. Today I am thankful for cold cereal and warm socks... and cousin Glen's creative genius.

Spooky

(And that's all I'm going to say about that...)

Happy Halloween, everyone!

cartoon from inkygirl.com

Picture Day

"Mom, it's picture day!" All-a-Boy informed me this morning. "And since we don't buy school pictures, I was thinking of doing something a little... special."

I asked what he had in mind, he told me, and I thought... who am I to stifle a creative mind?

So we did this.


(And I actually think it looks pretty cool.)

And then he wanted to practice some good picture day faces, so I obliged.


He sort of reminds me of this kid:


I hope the photographer doesn't hate me.

Perspective Of One

Every time I see this marquee in front of my kids' elementary school I can't help but snicker.

I mean, really, what does it mean?!

Are they planning on the school toilets overflowing that day?

Or is it an acronym...

Parents Opposing Orneriness?

Pursue Other Opportunities?

Point Of Order?

I would absolutely love to get your opinions on this. Please, the side of me that has giggle-fits over 12-year-old humor is dying to hear your take.

Secrets

Hubba has been really into what he calls 'secrets' lately. Allow me to illustrate.

During dinner one night he asked, "Mom? Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure, Hubba," I answered, leaning in close to hear what he had to say.

And then he whispered, "Get me a drink."

Yesterday I asked Hubba and Curly to please pick the Legos up off of the floor so I could vacuum.

They continued to pull the cushions off of the couch and use them as mini trampolines.

A few minutes later I asked, "Pretty please pick up the Legos?"

Hubba picked up 3 Legos, made them into a gun, pointed it at me and made shooting noises. Curly laughed. Little O looked me square in the eye and said, "NO."

Because bribing is not beneath me, I announced, "If you guys pick up all of the Legos while I finish folding the laundry, I will give you guys ice cream!"

Hubba gave me a look and said, "Wait."

What? Wait?

He leaned over to Curly and began whispering something in her ear. "What are you guys up to?" I asked.

"It's a secret," he replied, obviously annoyed. After a minute or two of this they turned to look at me in unison.

"We will pick up Legos for ice cream... and 2 cookies," Hubba stated.

"WHAT?" I responded. "You can't negotiate with me. Forget it - no ice cream OR cookies, just clean up."

Hubba rolled his eyes. More whispering ensued. Curly looked at me, looked at Hubba, then nodded.

"We gots a secret idea, mom," Hubba announced. "How 'bout YOU just clean up the Legos yourSELF and then WE will just eat ice cream?"

"Is a good se-ket, mom," Curly confirmed.

I beg to differ.