Saturday, November 14, 2009

Forever Is A Mighty Long Time

Some days I miss my dad a lot.

Some days, for no particular reason, I will have him on my mind all day long.

Other days something will trigger that place in my brain where all of my 'dad-memories' are stored.

In either case there is nothing much to do about it... except to remember.

When you lose someone you love to death, there is no describing the range of emotions experienced. I'm not sure I can speak for anyone else, but for me it has not gotten any easier as the years have passed. There will always be that void that only a father can fill. I will always love him and miss his physical presence in my life.

On days where I am particularly besieged with these thoughts and memories, I like to go visit his grave. There is some solace in being able to just sit there and sign to him, tell him my thoughts and feelings, disappointments and dreams. I am sure I appear to be something of a mad-woman, hands waving about in rushed thought and frenzied words as I sit at his graveside there in the cemetery, but it is my way of working through things.

When I have these days, I talk and cry and laugh and even scream until I have said my piece. And when I am done, I look down at his grave and see this:
And I am comforted. I find peace. I am so thankful to know that I will see him again someday.

I am thankful for the knowledge that death is only a temporary situation.

I am thankful that my family is a forever family.

13 comments:

rorymckm said...

gerb, i'm so sorry that you lost your dad! i've read your past posts on his passing and i can't tell you how much they've touched me! i love you all the more for sharing what you've been through! i don't think losing someone ever does get easier, but it's such a blessing to have people like you who are willing to shed a light unto the rest of us who are mourning so that we may find our way through the darkness!

CoolRunnings said...

I was 47 years old when my Dad died and he was 85 years old. That day I wanted to go out on the freeway and stop the traffic and say, "Don't you get it!!?? The rock of our family and my life is gone!" I miss him everyday. His grave is too far away to visit very often but he meets me in the temple. :)

Teachinfourth said...

I, in a way, know exactly what you mean...

b. said...

Yes.
Worded perfectly...thank you.

Deb said...

TOGETHER FOREVER is awesome!

Richard & Natalie said...

Nothing I can write would do your beautiful post any justice.
Thanks for sharing.

Corine said...

I know what you mean, Gerb. I don't know if I will ever stop crying over such losses; and yet, I am at peace, knowing they are not complete losses.

I hope you find great comfort to fill all your moments of voids.

Autumn said...

Thanks for the reminder to cherish my parents while I have them. By the way I love the family pics but I am still wanting to see the hobo pics because those others looked to darn nice.

Farscaper said...

My dad's leaving is still a bit too fresh. I know families are forever.... at the moment.. kinda doesn't feel like much of a forever. (just missing him a bunch at the moment)

Thanks for your post. It's nice to know we're not alone in this crazy human world.

Anaise said...

How I wish we could ALL be sealed to the ones we've loved and lost . . .

Rachel said...

I do not look forward to the day when my father steps through the veil but when he does, I too am thankful for forever families. Thank you for this post. I'm sorry that you miss your father so.....

Angela said...

Wow that is so touching. Sorry you lost Dad...

Anonymous said...

Hi Gerb, I also have looked somewhat of a madwoman, sitting there by his grave and using ASL expressing my love and how much he is missed ;) Thanks for the reminder "Together Forever" is a great comfort. Love ya