Want to read a post that is pretty disjointed and not very flowy? Then welcome! You've come to the right place.
My cousin Jen commented recently on one of my posts:
"I have noticed that you talk about music and can tell you have a love for it - but you don't have music on your blog?"
This is true, and there are reasons for that.
First, my tastes in music change constantly. I don't think I could keep up with a playlist.
And second (this may sound strange), music is a very personal thing for me. I'm not sure how to explain that so anyone could understand, but I'll give it a shot.
The earliest recollection I have of music in my life is of a beloved 8-track player in our kitchen. My mom would listen to various songs as she went about her day and I would listen, mesmerized by the melodies and the lyrics and the way the songs made me feel.
The first time I ever really performed in front of an audience was after I started taking accordion lessons. I played a song for a small group at a recital and the teacher approached me afterward.
"Why did you sing as you played?" he asked.
"Because there were words," I answered, "and the words help me know where the music goes."
"That's fantastic!" he said. And then, the unexpected words that still coarse through me today: "Keep that music in you. Don't stop singing."
And so I haven't.
I don't know... how can I really describe the music in me?
In my tween years I would sing every chance I got - others' songs as well as the melodies in my own heart, the ones I could never get written down for lack of enough technical knowledge. I would sit in my bathroom with my pink tape recorder at least once a week, recording the music and lyrics that floated around in my head so that maybe someday I could figure out how to write them down.
Music became a way for me to handle anything life could throw at me. A certain song's lyrics can speak the exact feelings of my heart. Another song's beat is the perfect rhythm to express my anger. The way some singers' voices mesh together in a perfect blend of harmonies help me feel at peace. Music inspires me.
I love playing around with different notes, trying to harmonize with the songs I love on the radio.
In my mind, poetry is another form of music. The beauty of certain words and the way they can come together to express something inside of me is almost unreal.
I love music.
Like I said, my tastes in music change constantly. I love different artists at different times for different reasons. Some for the story of how they made it big. Some for the words that are so fun to sing along to. Others for the imagery that their music brings to mind. Some impress me with their creativity or cleverness. Others help me see that I am not the only one who feels a certain way.
Emotions. Words. Meaning. Inspiration. Feelings... does any of this make any sense?
I often need to close my eyes as I listen. I always hope no one is looking my way and thinking I am asleep. Some music is just so much more when I see it behind closed eyes. When there are no visual distractions it is easier to wrap my mind around a certain phrase or harmony - and just bask in what I'm hearing.
Some music literally makes me catch my breath.
I don't know - it's kind of like trying to describe sugar or salt to someone who is unfamiliar with "sweet" or "salty".
Words are just not sufficient.