Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Guest Post: Maleficent

A young boy would not stop badgering me with his requests that I make an appearance at his place of primary learning. He had read the book The Kingdom Keepers which reveals my role in the dark side of the Magic Kingdom once the park closes at night. His request was that I bring some of my darkest magic and present it to the underlings in his classroom.

I finally consented to appear. However, I do not have the time to trifle with the admiration of peasants so I brought some novice magic in all confidence that it would impress them sufficiently.

I was not mistaken... and they were not disappointed.

First I used my magical powers to slice an unpeeled yellow fruit before their eyes.

They were awestruck by my abilities.

Next I had one of the little minions think up any name he could muster and the lot of them could not believe their shifty little eyes when they realized that I had already written that name on a piece of parchment in a sealed envelope.

I had initially planned to depart at this point, but the young boy who had invited me begged for more. I do love to see children groveling at my feet, so I consented to perform a bit of black magic. I exited the room as the boy and his classmates chose an object and when I returned the child would point to various items, asking if they were the chosen entity.

As anyone would expect, I chose correctly every time.

I had planned to make my departure with a flourish, disappearing in a cloud of amethyst smoke, but I instead opted for exiting through their learning portal as I had seen others do.

I had obviously already astounded them sufficiently and did not want to over-stimulate their tiny brains.

I am confident in the fact that they were all exceedingly impressed by my mere presence.

As well they should be.


Anaise said...

I am speechless.

You are so . . . cool!

rorymckm said...


Richard & Natalie said...

As we drove down Center St. the other night, the youngling that invited you to visit his class pointed out where you had acquired your perfectly evil attire. One of the other younglings commented, "Your mom is an awesome actress." Even without seeing your magical display, I would have to concur...You are awesome!

Rachel said...

Where were you when I was growing up in borring public school? Oh yeah! You were growing up too. Well, you have grown into a delightfully evilness that I wish I could have spent the afternoon groveling for more as the minions did. How fun!!! You should have went across the hall. I know of another minion who would have been tickled to death to grovel..grovel....grovel. :D

Gina said...

I am grovelling too.

laura said...

Clearly I did not invite your talents often enough into our third grade classroom. We missed out!

(But do you remember the hilarious Blarney tales those kids made up!?)

Lori said...

What a wicked cool get-up! Would you be able to beam yourself over in a puff of amethyst smoke to Forest Elem and guest appear in Law's class? That would be soooooo awesome. And, ahem, wicked.

Just SO said...

I'm impressed and I wasn't even there!

Sarah said...

Totally Broadway material. Totally.

Gerb said...

Anaise- More like crazy and attention-starved. But thanks.

Rory- It was fun. =0)

Natalie- Younglings... so easy to impress.

Rachel- I got a few interesting looks from kids and teachers in the halls...

Gina- I'd come by but I'm worried I'd scare your babies.

Laura- I had forgotten about those. I remember it was hard to choose whose was the biggest blarney!

Lori- Get Lawson groveling and I'll see what I can do... ;)

SO- Actually, you're impressed BECAUSE you weren't there. I'll admit I had a hard time keeping a straight face for part of it.

Sarah- Too bad Maleficent doesn't have any solos.

GaeLynn said...

You never cease to amaze me!!!!!

Teachinfourth said...

I was there...it.was.awesome. (In the testimony of an eyewitness).

Gerb said...

GaeLynn- Wait until you see me at camp. I'm an entirely different kind of freak.

T5- You flatter me. (Keep it up.)

Linn said...

Oh my word you are awesome--once again, please come and save my kids from their completely uncreative mom!