Quick Quips

"Why doesn't our house ever get stealed or catch on fire? Our family is so boring!"

Uncle L: What's Curves?
Coolister: It's some kind of car insurance.
Me: Actually it's a women's gym.
Coolister: Yeah. That's what I meant.

Overheard at kindergarten drop-off:
Kindergarten Kid: Your van is SO big! Does your mom do a day care?
Hubba: What's a day care?
KK: When one mom watches a bunch of kids all day.
Hubba: Yup. She does a day care.

"Are you ever going to watch that "Big Fat Loser" show again?"

"Today during P.E. the chee-cher showed us a butterfly that was flying around outside. It was flying around and flying around and then the chee-cher caught it on his finger. Then he set it on the fence - but it wasn't an electrical fence."

"You know who I'm going to marry? Claire, in my kindergarten class. Because I really love her... hair."

"Have you guys heard of Zumba?"
"Yeah, I've heard my friends talk about it. They say the food is really good."

Fine And Dandy

I was wondering recently if there is a place on our planet where people are frustrated by all of the grass that is crowding out their dandelions. Do they apply grass-killer, hoping that the bright yellow flowers will be spared?

I've never really been a fan of dandelions before, but they somehow transformed into a thing of beauty when they were presented to me in small bouquets grasped in the two little fists of my proud 4-year-old girl and her cute little brother.


How could I turn away such a treasure, gathered in love with me in mind?

I think we need to look at things through a child's eyes more often. I think this world has all sorts of beauty that we have learned not to see.

Call me crazy, but I think dandelions get a bad rap. And I've got two little people here at my house who would be happy to back me up on that.

Asking & Answering

Prom was last weekend.

ElemenoB called Allen and I one evening with this announcement: I got asked to the prom! With a bunny! Can I keep it?

She told us that she found a note on our porch that said, "Some BUNNY wants to go to prom with you" along with the aforementioned bunny.

I told her we'd have to wait and see it for ourselves, but I was picturing a sweet little baby bunny and thinking I may not be able to resist. When we arrived at home, here is what we saw:


That's no bunny. It's a full-grown adult RABBIT. With no cage, mind you. Mr. Rabbit lived in our bathtub for two days as we tried to give it away via Facebook - with no takers. Allen and I told Elle that the only solution was for her to give the rabbit back to him as part of her reply. She debated different ways to respond using the rabbit and ultimately came up with this:

She left the jar and the note on his porch, along with the rabbit.

And they both lived happily ever after.

The end.

My Minions

It was quiet. The kind of quiet where you know some mischief is in the making - because it's too quiet.

Hubba? Curly? I called down the stairs. What are you doing down there?

We're pretending to be minions! was their answer.

Okay, then. It sounded harmless enough. Have you seen Despicable Me? Our family loved it. The kids quoted it for weeks afterward. The littlest kids were especially entertained by the hijinks of the minions.

Later, when I went downstairs to put in a load of laundry, I found a whole pile of papers that Hubba and Curly had produced by placing items on our scanner. What a waste of printer ink! There were random pictures of toys, their hands, pages of books, some ribbon, a kazoo and... oh, no. Oh, no no no no no!

I now understood what they meant when they told me they were being minions...



Because this is a family blog, I will not be sharing the actual photos. But here is the one I found just before the photo which literally bared it all:


Yes, Hubba wears Buzz Lightyear underwear. And in case you're not following me, the underwear didn't stay on after that picture was produced.

I unplugged the printer, put the paper up where they couldn't reach it, and talked to them about the cost of printer ink.

I could not bring myself to confront them about the actual pictures I found since I couldn't do so without breaking into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. However, you better believe I have those incriminating photos hidden away until I need them.

Like, say, for their wedding videos.

Picture Perfect

Coolister called me from school with a predicament. He had printed off an assignment before school but left it on the printer. He asked if I could email him the paper so he could print it off at school and turn it in. Sure, I told him. I could do that.

He then asked if I could take pictures of the walls in his room and email those, too. What? That was an unusual request. Well, he told me, that was homework, too, but I forgot to do it. I told him he could do it when he got home seeing how it was HIS assignment, not mine. However, he turned on the charms and asked, pretty please? Not wanting to argue, I reluctantly agreed.

As I got my camera that small part of my brain that never got past the age of 12 formulated an idea and by the time I got to Coolister's bedroom I was giggling over what was about to transpire. Here are the pictures I sent him:



When I went to pick him up after school, the first words out of his mouth were:

You are so dumb, Mom.

I erupted in a fit of laughter. He laughed, too - and told me that he almost forwarded the pictures to his teacher without looking at them. Oh, what a glorious thing that would have been! I am sure that his teacher would have appreciated the lesson in my immature humor.

It still makes me laugh when I think about it.

Four-Eyed Family

Sometimes we get bored at our house.
But not for long.

Good Morning Sunshine

When I reach down and pull back the blankets from my sweet baby boy each morning then lift his soft, warm little body up to my face for a kiss he rewards me with a coo and a heart-melting smile.

Have you ever unwrapped a gift and found that it contained exactly what you wanted without your having to ask - so you feel all warm and happy and loved because someone took the time to thoughtfully choose something that was just right for you?

This is what seeing Baby B's face at the start of each day feels like. For a brief yet solid moment I have the feeling of a perfect Christmas morning and the child-like excitement of a trip to Disneyland and unconditional love and all-encompassing joy which just consumes me.

It is like unwrapping a gift of sunshine.

Every. Day.

Hard-Headed

photo from here

As promised, here is the story of my head vs. my friend's windshield.

What do cookies have to do with anything? Keep reading.

When I was 16 years old some friends and I were goofing around in a VW bug in a parking lot after a youth dance. I was trying to adjust the front passenger seat to slide forward and my friend Steve, who was driving, slammed on the brakes to help me. I was not wearing my seatbelt and flew forward, cracking the windshield with my mighty forehead.

Initially I didn't even realize what had happened - but suddenly there were hands all around me and everyone asking if I was okay and did we need to get to the hospital? I thought they were still goofing off - until I looked at the windshield. I felt fine but could not imagine why my head wasn't injured when it had just created a lovely spiderweb pattern across Steve's windshield. This was when I realized that I had some sort of superpower. I was ecstatic! However, Steve felt terrible and kept insisting that he take me to be looked at. Not wanting to reveal my newly discovered powers I assured him that I was not hurt and he took me home.

The next day at church I was excited to take the kids in my Sunday School class out to the church parking lot and show them what my head could do. No one believed me until they asked Steve's brother who confirmed the story.

Later, when it dawned on me that Steve was going to have to pay to replace his windshield, I felt terrible. I mean, superpowers or not, he was about to leave for college and I'm sure he didn't need the extra expense. I didn't have the money to offer to pay for a new windshield, so instead I baked him some cookies (Of course I baked him some cookies! This is what superheroes do!) and left them on the seat of his VW to enjoy on his 9 hour drive to college along with a note of apology.

Once I realized that there wasn't really much I could do to save the world with my titanium noggin, I sort of forgot about it.

But I can still bake an awesome batch of cookies.

Quick Quips: Travel Version

All of the following quotes came from Hubba while driving on our trip to California over spring break.


"We should of left sooner so all those cars wouldn't be ahead of us!"


"Maybe if our van had a motor we could go fast like all these cars that keep passing us."


"Why do we just keep on driving on this same road all the time?"


"I keep getting bubbles in my ears when we drive over mountains. But if I drink my spit they pop."


"Some of the ladies on those big signs (billboards near Las Vegas) forgot to put more clothes on."

Superpowers

Did I ever tell you about the time that I busted someone's windshield into a brilliant spiderweb of cracked glass with my forehead?

That was awesome.

Quick Quips

"Why does the car have a line for 140 miles per hour if you're not even allowed to drive that fast?"

All-a-Boy: "Animals were put on the earth for us to eat."
Hubba: "Yeah - except for alligators."

Little O finds Allen's glasses and watch, puts them on, then proclaims to me:

"Flashlights don't even flash at all. They're just lights. Whose idea was that?"

"Do you think the guys on the planet where they made Star Wars ever watch earth-people in a movie and memorize everything we say?"

Overheard during a Tabernacle Choir performance between speakers during General Conference yesterday: "Whoa! Are those angels singing?!"

Little Boys

He's recharging.

Go Ahead - Make My Day

As I drove up to my house early this evening I saw a cluster of smallish people outside my front door.

When they turned and saw me they ran towards my car - and they weren't even my offspring. They were some of my favorite kids from our neighborhood.

"Hey, Sisto Bwack!" Super C yelled as he ran to me. "These are for you! For your birfday!" He and his brother, along with N~, handed me a bag filled with treats. "Thanks, guys!" I said. "This totally makes my day!"

"Guess what else?!" Super C asked with all the excitement that could possibly be contained in a 6-year-old body. "N~, do the bark!"

N~ looked at me with a sly grin and let out a few barking noises. "Can you be-weave it?!" Super C asked. "It sounds like a REAL dog!" N~ then turned to Super C and said, "Do the burps!"

Super C produced a series of quick burps-on-demand. "Isn't that awesome?!" N~ proclaimed excitedly. "It sounds like REAL burps!"

The treats were fantastic, but nothing compares to the method of delivery.

Kids. Are. Awesome.

Creative Writing

I will be the first to admit that I am partial to my kids' creativity. But this? This is awesome.

Hubba's kindergarten teacher gave this to me at parent/teacher conference last week:

In case you can't decipher it, it reads:

Where is my?
Hot DoG?
It is on my hed.

She asked the kids to write a short story and draw a picture to go along with it. She said that Hubba's was a class favorite. And how could it not be? It just screams Hubba - creative, funny and unexpected.

It makes me laugh every time I think about it. It is, in my biased opinion, the best short story - ever.