Superpowers

Did I ever tell you about the time that I busted someone's windshield into a brilliant spiderweb of cracked glass with my forehead?

That was awesome.

A New Point Of View

***I am totally warning you ahead of time that there are some pretty nasty pictures of my naked ankle in this post. If you don't want to see them then don't look. For reals! It's gross.***

I went back to see the surgeon again today and finally get that soft cast off. Glory Hallelujah!! That thing felt like I was dragging around 50 pounds of concrete whenever I tried to move it. When they took the cast off, here's what we saw:

The little incision

The big incision

I didn't realize how long (and gross looking) the incisions were. Or how many staples had been used to hold them together. I'll admit it made me a little queasy to see my foot like that. And even queasier to have the staples removed.

A nurse took some x-rays so we could check out the inside view as well. Want to see my new hardware?

Isn't it bionic? (Don't you think?)

I had no idea the plate was so long. Or that there were so many screws in there, either.

Seriously, I'm totally Bionic Ankle Woman now and it didn't cost me six million dollars. Don't be jealous.

When it came time to choose a color for the cast, I was waffling between black and white. Black wouldn't get dirty and it would match pretty much everything. With a white cast I could buy a huge pack of colored markers and let the kids go at it until I was sporting a masterpiece.

However, I ultimately went with something completely different...



Because how can you go wrong with camo? I figure this way no one can see my cast - that's the magic of camouflage.

That, my friends, is how I went from being an ordinary mother and housewife to the part Bionic, part Invisible Woman that you see before you today.

And now, after all of that excitement, I am ready to go and take a nap.

SuperGerb, out.

Superhero 101

Picture from photobucket.com

I recently became reacquainted with an old friend. Because the last time we spoke was at my high school graduation, she could not get over the fact that I now have a large family and am still reasonably sane (which, actually, is debatable).

"You are SuperMom!" she exclaimed. "Do you give lessons?"

And I figured... heck, why not? So, my friends, I welcome you to Superhero Class.

If you want to be a superhero like me, you can do so in a few easy steps.

First of all, every good superhero wears a disguise. If you want one like mine, go find yourself some comfy pajama pants and an old T-shirt with a mustard stain. I like to call it The SUPERSUIT! (cue superhero music)

The next thing that every superhero needs is a SECRET WEAPON. I have two... safety pins and bandaids. With these weapons at my disposal, I can fix anything! (cue superhero music)

Unfortunately, every superhero also has an ARCHNEMESIS. These tend to present themselves in the most inopportune times! Mine are... (shudder) ...unfamiliar animals. And bullies. (cue evil archnemesis music)

However, each superhero is also blessed with amazing SUPERPOWERS - just waiting to be realized! For example, here are the two which I have discovered in my Super Self.

My lesser power is: Invisibility!

• I can disappear when someone comes knocking at my door while I'm in my SuperSuit!
• When the school is looking for someone to volunteer as PTA president, no one can find me!
  
• When I want to eat a package of cookies or a king-sized candy bar without any assistance... POOF! I am invisible! (Unless those darned crinkly wrappers give me away!)

And my super-est power is: Transformation!

• I have the power to transform a mountain of dirty laundry into neat stacks of nicely folded clothes or a sinkful of dirty dishes into a sparkling kitchen!
• I can turn a table into a fort, transform felt and ribbon into a costume and make wilted carrots and leftover potatoes into a gourmet meal!
  
• But my best, most amazing superpower is the ability to transform one of these:

into one of these: (cue superhero music!)

Any questions?

Super Cupcake Girl

Apparently All-a-Boy is not the only superhero in our family.

A few days ago, as Allen was folding the laundry, he came across Princess’ cupcake pajamas. “These are yours, right?” he asked her.

“Yeah, Dad, remember how I talk about being Super Cupcake Girl?” she answered sweetly.

“No, what does Super Cupcake Girl do?” he asked.

“She goes around in her Super Cupcake Girl clothes, giving cupcakes to all of the bad guys,” she told him matter-of-factly.

“Why do the bad guys get cupcakes?” he wondered aloud.

“Oh, well… the cupcakes are poisonous,” she explained with an evil grin. "It kills them."

Look out, bad guys. Super Cupcake Girl means business.

SUPER HEROES!

I have mentioned that my kids are amazing, and I wasn't kidding. At the risk of revealing their secret identities (you won't tell, will you?), two of my kids are actually known superheroes. That's right. Batman and Superman reside under the same roof as the rest of us, right here in our fine city. Here is the proof that Batman exists:
One of EM's friends is running a Summer Camp for pre-school kids to earn some money. It's pure genius, really. We live right smack dab in the middle of oodles of little people in need of summer fun. Last week was Superhero Week for the boys, which culminated with an appearance by Batman himself. About a half hour before Batman was scheduled to appear, we scrambled through our existing costumes to create the Batsuit.

Cape? Check.

Mask? Shirt? Tights? Boots? Uh-oh.

Lucky for Batman, his mother is experienced in the art of costume creation.

Felt? Check. Ribbon? Check. Stapler? Check. Pantyhose? Check.

Batsuit complete.

We were a bit concerned that his braces or ragged Nikes might have given him away. Our worries were unfounded. When Batman first casually strolled over to the unsuspecting group of boys, he went unnoticed. As soon as he was pointed out ("Look, guys, who's that? It's Batman!") the boys were simply awestruck. They were amazed that the REAL Batman was actually gracing them with his presence. It was like watching people who encounter a movie star and don't know what to say or do.

Case in point: This is Tiger. AM and Tiger know each other. They have played together. AM has been Tiger's babysitter on numerous occasions. Tiger is amazed that Batman is here, calling him by name. (I guess those Incredibles weren't kidding when they said that the mask was the secret to concealing your identity!) It didn't take long for him to warm up to the idea of a picture, though. Here are Batman and Tiger with their "Scare-the-bad-guys" faces.
And then we have Superman, who has often been seen flying around the halls of his elementary school. Mr. Z was able to capture him as he zoomed by his classroom one day...
The truly amazing thing here is that Superman is his disguise. That's right, boys and girls, he's Superman all the time. All-a-Boy is his Super Identity.

But mom hasn't created the All-a-Boy suit yet.

So, until next time, stay tuned - Same bat-time, same bat-channel!