Sunday, September 2, 2012

Quick Quips


Curly: Have you noticed how Mom calls Dad 'Allen'?  It's because she can't call Dad 'Dad', because he's not her dad.  He's more like her boyfriend or something.

Cowgirl (in a prayer): And we're thankful for almost everything we have.
Me (after the prayer): So, what are we not thankful for?
Cowgirl: Boogers.

ElemenoB: I didn't know there was a difference between convertible and not convertible cars.  I thought convertible meant it was a sports car.
Me: Convertible means the top part of the car somehow retracts or comes off.
ElemenoB: Really?
Me: Yes.

Me: (as our 3 littlest boys crawl up onto our bed) Hey! Where did all these boys come from?
Little O: Bemember, Mom? I was a baby in a box and you buyed me!

Hubba: (on the way to school) Whoa, Dad!  We're going faster than the trees!

Me: HEY! Don't do that!
Allen: What did he do?
Me: He stuck his head up my skirt!  Little O, you will end up in jail for doing things like that.
Little O: Silly Mom!  Little boys don't go to jail!
Allen: They do if they look up ladies' skirts.
Curly: Yeah, especially if you're a big boy like Dad.

Overheard during the older kids' group Sunday School a.k.a. Primary Sharing Time: 
Bishop O: Who followed one of the commandments today?
Kid 1: I am keeping the Sabbath Day holy!
Bishop O: Great!  Who else?
Kid 2: I listened to my mom!
Bishop O: Nice!  Anyone else?
Princess: I didn't commit murder!
Bishop O: Um, okay... I'm really glad to hear that, Princess...
Kid 3: And I didn't commit adultery!
Bishop O: Well, that's probably enough of those...

10 comments:

Shawna said...

ROFL!!!! No, seriously, I am on the floor, busting a gut, peeing my pants. I can't remember laughing so hard. Thank you so much for sharing Gerb. It's really brightened my day

Shellie said...

Classic! Not sure which is my favorite, the yare all so great!

Kathy V said...

I'm trying to ROFL and not wake up my sleeping bishop/husband, but he'll love that last one.

Rachel said...

:) Allen, not daddy cuz he's not your dad been looking up your skirt lately?? :D

These are great. I love it when you post these.

Mom not Mum (Sandy) said...

Oh that sharing time in our ward had a LOT of kids asking what Adultery was when they got home. Hahaha.

Mindy said...

This had me laughing from start to finish! I love it when you share your Quick Quips. :-)

Deb said...

Loved them all! Favorite....at church definitely!

Sarah said...

Oh my HECK!!! Please, please, PLEASE don't keep these to yourself. There is just TOOOO much laughter to be had, and you don't want to take away people's laughter, do you????

I will be grinning for the rest of the day, HA!!!

Petersons Blog Spot said...

Love this! The skirt one made me bust up.

Don't worry Elemenob, when I was in Gr. 8 I asked my dance teacher when we were going to do "oral dancing". I thought "oral" meant "single" or something like that. He was very good about it and said that oral has to do with your mouth. I was so embarrassed and tried not to use big words for awhile after that (without knowing what they mean)!

Sister Pottymouth said...

BWAAAAAHAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!! I snortled and had to wipe boogers off my screen.