Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Superhero 101

Picture from photobucket.com

I recently became reacquainted with an old friend. Because the last time we spoke was at my high school graduation, she could not get over the fact that I now have a large family and am still reasonably sane (which, actually, is debatable).

"You are SuperMom!" she exclaimed. "Do you give lessons?"

And I figured... heck, why not? So, my friends, I welcome you to Superhero Class.

If you want to be a superhero like me, you can do so in a few easy steps.

First of all, every good superhero wears a disguise. If you want one like mine, go find yourself some comfy pajama pants and an old T-shirt with a mustard stain. I like to call it The SUPERSUIT! (cue superhero music)

The next thing that every superhero needs is a SECRET WEAPON. I have two... safety pins and bandaids. With these weapons at my disposal, I can fix anything! (cue superhero music)

Unfortunately, every superhero also has an ARCHNEMESIS. These tend to present themselves in the most inopportune times! Mine are... (shudder) ...unfamiliar animals. And bullies. (cue evil archnemesis music)

However, each superhero is also blessed with amazing SUPERPOWERS - just waiting to be realized! For example, here are the two which I have discovered in my Super Self.

My lesser power is: Invisibility!
  • I can disappear when someone comes knocking at my door while I'm in my SuperSuit!
  • When the school is looking for someone to volunteer as PTA president, no one can find me!
  • When I want to eat a package of cookies or a king-sized candy bar without any assistance... POOF! I am invisible! (Unless those darned crinkly wrappers give me away!)
And my super-est power is: Transformation!
  • I have the power to transform a mountain of dirty laundry into neat stacks of nicely folded clothes or a sinkful of dirty dishes into a sparkling kitchen!
  • I can turn a table into a fort, transform felt and ribbon into a costume and make wilted carrots and leftover potatoes into a gourmet meal!
  • But my best, most amazing superpower is the ability to transform one of these:
into one of these: (cue superhero music!)

Any questions?


Cami said...

I'm ready for lesson #2! You are an awesome Super Mom!

Rebecca said...

Thanks for the giggles. :) Plus, if anyone is wondering what to get me for my next b-day, a t-shirt with that "Moms!" graphic (and a mustard stain) would be an excellent idea.

rorymckm said...

*diligently taking notes*

Martha said...

I want that t-shirt, too!
Awesome post! Lol!

sue-donym said...

Love this post.

(My weapon - a bathrobe and wet hair at 11:30 am)

Teachinfourth said...

Wait, weren't you supposed to have this photo attached to your post?

Cami said...

Sign me up for a t-shirt too!

Autumn said...

I love it! I had no idea that I have some similar powers. Gerb, that post would make a darling childrens book...I'm serious!

Deb said...

I always love how you turn your experiences into a cool blog story! So very creative!

Julie said...

Gerbie, this is one of my most favoritest posts ever. You are a super hero and I am so glad you finally wrote about it!!!

Chelle! said...

WOW!! You are my hero!!

Gerb said...

Cami- Lesson #2 is this: if you are faster than a running toddler & able to leap over scattered Legos in a single bound, you're there!

Bec- Awesome idea on the t-shirt! Maybe I'll get some made & give the same thing to all of my mom friends for their birthdays. Hmmmm.

Rory- I could take notes from you as well...

Martha- I'll let you know if it become a reality. ;0)

Sue- Awesome weapon! You just make me smile.

T5th- I would have used it but I figured I was already bragging enough... one of these days I may get the guts to put it as my header.

Autumn- With you as my cheerleader I think I could do ANYTHING! You're the best. The wheels are turning in my brain already...

Deb- Thanks! And thanks for coming back and reading. It makes the writing worth it.

Eiluj- We're in the Superhero League together! And thanks for the comment - it made my day to hear from you!

Chelle- Ditto! You have some superpowers yourself, friend.

Anonymous said...

Loved this post, Gerb--you're definitely one of my heroes. ;)

I have my own comfy pjs and stained tees that have become my uniform du jour while I'm at home--glad someone else is as sloppy as me!

Anaise said...

THAT was pure delight to read!

What fun!

Shellie said...

Yeah, how do you do it without duct tape?