I could not believe my EYES! When I awoke on that particular morning, James was nowhere to be found, the little ingrate. He was SUPPOSED to be outside, picking up the mess left in our yard from those who had come to view our MARVELOUS peach, but he seemed to have disappeared.
Well, I wouldn't have any of THAT ingratitude after all that I and his Auntie Sponge DO for the little worm! I determined that I would FIND him and BEAT him for running off. He had mentioned that he wanted to play with some CHILDREN so I went in search of him at a building which was SWARMING with the filthy little beasts!
As I entered one room, every pair of their BEADY little eyes turned towards me. And really, can you blame them? I mean, I AM quite becoming. I checked my best side and determined that I was looking my usual GLAMOROUS self. It was no wonder I had their RAPT attention.
However, I quickly discerned that they MUST be hiding something. I could see it in the smug looks on their HIDEOUS little faces and I knew right away that the something they were hiding was JAMES.
I demanded they tell me where he was LAZING about. Those disgusting little WORMS had the audacity to... LAUGH! Oh, how I was SEETHING! There is no sound more grating and disturbing than the sound of children's laughter!
One of the nasty little creatures then attempted to LIE to me, telling me James had run to the water closet. Well, I put that hideous little beast in his place IMMEDIATELY.
I gave the FILTHY little worms one last chance to report where James was hiding. They simply LAUGHED again. Well, I would have none of THAT sort of disrespect!
But just as I was making my way to BEAT the truth from them, I realized that I had not checked the vicinity of my PRECIOUS peach that morning. James could be there at this PRECISE moment, GORGING his ungrateful self! And these fiendish little DEMONS were likely only STALLING me for time!
I STORMED out of that classroom as quickly as my shapely, slender legs could carry me. I will not be returning to that TERRIBLE place EVER if I can help it! And as for James, I WILL find him.
MARK. My. WORDS.