Friday, June 5, 2009

Dysplastic Nevi

My entire life goes into pause mode without my consent. My mind leaves my body behind and ventures off to some place I am not allowed to remember. And then, abruptly, my life is back in play mode, except that the pictures are jumbled and swirly and I can't remember where I am or why I'm there. Panic sets in. There is not one ounce of thinking involved - it is utter confusion and complete chaos causing my brain's normal functions to short-circuit. It is like being drowned in the deepest abyss and struggling to break the surface... only to realize it is just beyond my reach.

But in an instant things begin to change. I hear a voice calling to me but the words are uncertain. As the jumbled veil of confusion is lifted from my mind, my bewildered eyes slowly begin to focus on an unfamiliar face. I realize I'm on a table, in a doctor's office, with my arms raised at my sides, my hands firmly clenched into fists. My brain is parched.

She's coming back... I hear someone say. And then, It's okay, you're okay. Slowly, I begin to remember...

(Flash back to 10 minutes earlier...)

I came to the dermatologist for the first time in my life. I had a suspicious, teeny little mole plant itself ON my upper lip (not above my lip, I'm talking ON my kisser) and came in to have it checked. The doctor surprised me by preparing me for removal of this lip-invader right then and there, along with another spot that he noticed on the right side of my chest.

The needles came out (oh, how I hate needles!!), I was sufficiently numbed, and the removal was successful. Throughout the process I could not help over-thinking things. He is putting that needle in my lip... and now in my chest. The doctor is whittling off a piece of my lip with a knife! And now he is carving a crater out of my chest! The doctor announced his successful completion of the procedure. I was thinking too much. I was feeling woozy.

"You look pale," the Man Who Just Cut Out Two Hunks Of Flesh Out Of My Body said. "Do you feel all right?"

"Just a little nauseous," I assured him. "I'll be fine." He gave me some instructions and left the room.

I continued to lay there. The nurse asked me, "Are you sure you're okay? You look really pale."

"I think I'm going to...." And then I did.

And once I came back to reality, the nurse complimented me on the powerful punch I had packed in my right arm. Apparently, when I was swimming out of the abyss, I landed a solid blow to her shoulder.

If it had been the doctor, I wouldn't have felt so bad. Because I kind of think he had it coming.


Anaise said...

When I had surgery on my broken wrist when I was 11, I came out from under the anesthetic swinging--it took several nurses to keep my flailing arms under control, and I landed a few good punches.

Then there was the time I bit the dentist (on accident, of course).

We peace-loving mamas must have a little fight hiding somewhere in our collective unconscious, huh?

Hope you and the nurse heal up just fine.

Michelle said...

Passing out is the worst feeling. Sorry about it and your sugery.

I agree that yes, the doctor did have it coming--so funny you punched the nurse. LOL

Amy said...

I'm not sure what you did when you said "I think I'm going to..." Did you hurl, passout, or something else??? When do you get the biopsies back? Do they know yet if it was serious?

Teachinfourth said...

Note to self...when Gerb is under the influence of local anesthesia, wear a catcher's mask or steer clear.


Glad to hear that the 'mole episode' turned out well and now you can boast about being in a brawl.

Rock on, Gerb.

Pam said...

Holy moly, you guys have had quite a week! Hope everyone is on the mend.

Rachel said...

Did you ever hear back on the tests? There aren't any problems are there?

Rebecca said...

So he noticed your chest, huh? You're right, he did have it coming.

P.S. I'm going to have to remember how to MacGyver a lip band-aid like that. Cool.

Gina said...

I wanted that to be a novel, and I wasn't ready to put it down. You are such a good writer. Please, please, please write a book. And, not passing out again would also be a good thing. Good luck with the recovery.

Gerb said...

Anaise- Amazing. I also have a story of passing out at the dentist... only my dentist ended up with a black eye.

Michelle- Completely agreed. I hate the moment just before I pass out, when I know it's going to happen and I can't stop myself.

Amy- I passed out. They wouldn't even let me drive myself home. So embarrassing!! The results were good - the lip-invader was nothing, the other one was pre-cancerous but removed at the right time. I'm counting my many blessings.

T5th- You don't want to be around me when a bully is in the vicinity, either. I can not be responsible for my actions when this occurs...

Pam- DANG! That would have been a perfect title for this post: Holey Moley! Double dang. Oh, well. Next time I may have to consult you.

Rachel- It's all good. And now I'm a completely paranoid mole expert. Thanks for the ride home, BTW.

Bec- I was pretty impressed with the band-aid as well. I just wish it was large enough to write "There used to be a mole under here" on it so the people who stared at me all day wouldn't have to wonder.

Gina- Someday I will write a book. It's a dream I have had since the age of 8, and it WILL happen. It's the WHEN that is still up in the air. Maybe when I'm a grandma I'll have time??

Sister Pottymouth said...

If the YW ask, tell them that your hickies got infected.

cari said...

Good thing they caught it early! Glad to hear your doing well.

Chelle! said...

Oh, no!! I get to go through all of this the Friday before camp. I am glad you came through it with only hitting the nurse...I am scared what will happen to me.

annette said...

Too much thinking, hu? I feel for those doctors and nurses- as I'm sure yours is not an isolated case.

What a sureal experience that must have been! Maybe they should have given YOU valium! :)(BTW- I would pay big bucks to see you on valium ;) )

hintonrae said...

Gerb, I had a dysplastic nevi pop up all of a sudden--in an equally sensitive area, let's just say ;)--and have to be removed this past January, so I completely empathize with the experience. No passing out for me, though. I was much more dignified, albeit a bit more nekked than I like to be with strange gentlemen.

Gerb said...

Sis P - Brilliant.

Cari - Agreed. The bad thing is that I'm a total mole-freak now.

Chelle!- You'll be fine. Do you want a friend to come with? Just know you can call me if you can't drive yourself home...

Annette- Yeah, the nurse told me my episode was nothing compared to the huge guys who say they're fine then faint in the waiting room on their way out to the car.

L- You have my sympathies. The doc told me to do a thorough body check before I showered to get familiar with any existing moles and to check out the more personal areas well... that was a fun conversation.