Thursday, November 20, 2008


I will admit that I have been known to be a drama queen at times.

I know, most of you are completely surprised. It's true. I haven't always been the genteel lady you know me as today.

I mean, I used to be a liar, too. There it all is! Out on the table. All of my secrets, revealed. And here is my story.

Back in high school, I had an eclectic group of friends. Seriously, check out the picture. Everyone had their 'thing' that really made them stand out - I mean, Melanie had that cool hat . Debi wore RayBans 24/7, plus check out her awesome jacket with like 5,000 pins on it. Trish always wore the raddest clothes. Holly had her awesome orange convertible bug. Me? I had bangs like a polygamist. Hmmm. Not so cool. I needed a trademark! Something to make me memorable. Then suddenly, I had it! I needed a new middle name.

It had to be really out there. I mean, come on, my first name was already Gerberta - it had to compete with that. So a couple of friends and I thought long and hard and came up with this: Leiannaconnannaconnadonna. And I stuck with it. "What's your name?" someone would ask, unassuming. And they'd get the whole shebang: Gerberta Leiannaconnannaconnadonna Royce.

Was I part Hawaiian? Were my parents hippies? No. Was that really my middle name? Yes. I kept my answers simple. (Much easier to keep up with a lie when it's not too complicated. I was a professional.)

Then came Terry. A boy-friend. (Hey - I didn't wear the braided, bangs-to-the-sky look daily. When my long, curly locks were swaying about my shoulders, I was downright irresistible! Keep saying it, it may become true... I was irresistible. I was irresistible.) One day Terry asked me, "What's your middle name?" So automatic was my response, I didn't even think twice. "That's really your middle name?" he asked, incredulous. I gave my standard reply. His response? "Cool."

And then the lie started to catch up with me. One day Terry told me he had been in an argument with him mom. I asked him what about? "Your middle name." I cringed inside. Stick with it. Don't mess it up... "What about it?" I asked cooly. Apparently, his mom didn't believe that was really my middle name. And he defended me. I couldn't tell him the truth now! Or ever.

Then comes the part where Terry and I did that thing they call "breaking up". And in a final effort to win my heart back, he wrote me a song. I swear, this part is true. He went to a real recording studio and played the keyboard and sang the lines he wrote from his heart, to me. It was one of the best gifts I have ever been given, and I still have the tape he recorded it on. Inside the tape cover, he wrote: For G.L. Royce, From T.

I thought. Who is G.L.?

Oh, yes, that was me. He also uses the name "Leianna" in the song, titled "Leianna's Heart". And my 16-year-old self thought, Someday when he's a famous singer and songwriter I can show this tape to my kids and say, "See? He wrote a song for me once." And they'll say, "Who is G.L. Royce? Who is Leianna? Your middle name is Donna." And they'll all write it off to Mom The Drama Queen making up her crazy stories again.

Here are the morals to this story.

1. Don't be a drama queen. And

2. Lying is wrong.

And now for the Fine Print:
Exceptions can occasionally be made in certain circumstances where you may need to employ the skill of "stretching the truth a bit". Then it may be sort of okay. Or if you get a song written for you out of it, that may also be justified. Also, if you need a really good story to tell your kids someday, a very small lie may be acceptable. And when you make a story a little more interesting by adding a few facts? That is strictly for entertainment value and completely forgivable. There may also be times that your kids ask you questions about your past and a small fabrication is a good idea. Plus, I am not really a drama queen.


pam said...

You were and are absolutely irresistible! And my bangs were just as tall back then too, don't worry.

Good thing that wasn't your real middle name, or we would never have been able to spell it! ;o)

Cami said...

Once a drama queen, always a drama queen!

(I am so wishing I could hear this out loud, just so I know if I'm saying it right in my head.)

Gina said...

Only you. My comment will seem insignificant next to a story like that. I read every word. I believed every word. I was in the process of changing my first name to Reggie in high school. There are still a few out there who will recognize me as that.

Holmes said...

Hilarious. I need you to say it for me next time I see you. And I love your disclaimer. I believe all of it except for the last line...

Mom not Mum said...

LOL Bangs like a polygamist - that was priceless!!

Teachinfourth said...

Whoa...just when I thought I'd known the worst of it all; I am speechless...I am without speech.

Rebecca said...

So wait, you kept the tape with the song he wrote and recorded for you, but you didn't reconcile?


Hey! Even more crazy. My word verification is leiannaconnadonna!!!
Isn't that crazy??

Ok, that may not be true, but it would make a good story, right? :)

Gerb said...

Pam- Nice try, trying to make me feel better about the hair. I may have to do a post of Aunt Patty's(? I think) wedding where we are standing side-by-side, you looking fabulous and me in acid-washed denim, head-to-toe, with bangs to rival an 80's aerobics instructor.

Cami- Lay-on-a-con-a-on-a-con-a-donna.

I love it.

WHAT? I am NOT a drama queen! I'm not, I'm not, I'm NOT!!!

MOM not mum-
It would be funnier if it wasn't true...

Oh, that's not the worst. But I've got to save some for later so people will keep reading... of course, Allen dished out some of the worst to you already. No secrets here!

Should I have given the tape back? I wasn't sure what break-up etiquette was for such a situation.

If it makes it any better, we did remain friends.

annette said...

(Shhh, don't tell anyone but to this day, some people know me as "Alex". Yes, it's true. You'll have to ask me about it sometime. We have the weirdest things in common! Too bad I don't play the accordian!)

pam said...

I'm glad you thought I looked fabulous! I never started feeling comfortable in my skin until after college. (Those first 18 years can be SO awkward!!!)