Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Jokes For Kids

Except for the rare occasion when we give them money for school lunch I have always packed lunches for my kids.  I used to pack them in brown paper bags with their names written on the front.  It seemed like wasted space, so I started making decorating their names with various themes.  Sometimes I would even write a little note to each of them.

Eventually I decided to start adding a daily joke on each lunch bag with the question on the front and the answer on the bottom.  My kids really looked forward to the jokes every day.  They had classmates and teachers who would always ask what today's joke was.  I had found my niche.

When I switched over to lunchboxes to cut down on the expense of the paper bags my kids were concerned.  What about the jokes? they asked.  So I started writing them on index cards or scrap paper and tucking them in with their sandwiches and fruit.

After writing jokes and riddles down for 4 years I worried that the kids were getting sick of them.  Besides that, I was running out of material!  So I wrote them an uplifting or funny quote each day.  They liked that just fine but I never stopped hearing about how much they (and their friends) missed the jokes.  So the next year, I started up again - recycling some of my jokes from the first couple of years.

It's been somewhere around 7 or 8 years now that I've been doing this.  I've found jokes in books, online, heard them from friends and asked for ideas on Facebook and it's been a lot of fun.  Little X is only 2 now, so I figure I've got at least another 16 years of lunch jokes ahead of me.

Here are some of our favorites.

What is brown and sticky?
A stick.

What is green and has wheels?
Grass.  I lied about the wheels.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe.

What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?

What do lawyers wear to court?

What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs!

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!

Why did the tree get in trouble?
It was being knotty.

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.

Why wouldn't the oyster give anyone its pearl?
It was shellfish.

What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I'm coming down with something!

What did the girl say to her math homework?
I'm not a therapist!  Solve your own problems!

What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint!

Want to hear 2 short jokes and a long joke?
Joke.  Joke.  Jooooooooooooooooooooke.

Why did the wagon train stop?
It was having Injun trouble!

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

What is Beethoven doing in his grave?

What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's last movement.

Why did the clock get in trouble at school?
It wouldn't stop tocking!

What did the cow say to the pig in its way?

Which of Tigger's friends weighs the least?
Skinny the Pooh.

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was trying to find Pooh.

Why should you never shower with a Pokemon in the room?
It might Pikachu.

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide.

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn't get a date.

How did Noah see the animals in the ark at night?
With flood lights.

Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed!

What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
A private tooter.

What kind of music do aliens like?

How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
You rock-et.

Why don't witches wear flat hats?
Because there's no point!

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

If a fire hydrant has H2O on the inside, what does it have on the outside?

What's mean and round?
A vicious circle.

Why are pirates great singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay they'd be bay gulls.

Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.

Why did the car blush?
It saw the light changing.

When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients.

What does a triceratops sit on?
Its tricera-bottom!

What did the horse say when it fell?
I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!

What does a nosy pepper do?
It gets jalapeno face!  (say it a few times, it will make sense)

What do you call a short psychic who escapes from jail?
A small medium at large.

What did Lincoln say when he went to court?
I'm in-a-cent!  (Thumbelina made that one up.)


Pam Farley said...

Bwah ha ha ha! I've started putting jokes in Jackjack's lunch since learning how much your kids like them. All of his friends ask what the joke of the day is too!

Rebecca said...

My favorite new joke is the "bottom at the top" one. Now that's funny!!!

Rachel said...

I've thought of you many times over the past couple of years since I've known you do this and once again, admire you. My kid make their own breakfast and lunches. I'm lazy/lame in the mornings. My whole focus is getting Levi on the dang bus!

Larry said...

I saw a joke on facebook right after I read this post and just had to share it...a dyslexic walked into a bra...hahaha. -Nancy

Annette said...

I love these! I'm going to start sticking them on emails or letters to Adam! :)

Petersons said...

I think I will print these off, cut them, and put them in my kids lunches too.

crazy funny pic said...

hmm, I love these!