Monday, October 11, 2010

Lucky Day


image from rice.edu

The spam folder for my Gmail account seems to accumulate quite a few letters from foreigners who really want to share millions of dollars with me. I generally delete these correspondences, but today's email was different. Why? It came from the FBI!

Rather than try to summarize I'll let you see for yourself how easily I'm going to become a multi-millionaire.

I present to you the very official sounding email I received this morning... along with a bit of commentary from me.


<<
OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI
ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF
INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC.
(I'm not sure they included enough references to FBI in this opening.)

Email: federalbureauinvestigationsXXXX@hotmail.com (right...because all FBI agents use hotmail accounts.)
FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY (very personalized!)

FROM: ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL

BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION WASHINGTON DC. FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP
INTERNET (pretty sure they already mentioned this)

The federal bureau of investigation (FBI). (I SO appreciate the clarification.)

Through our intelligence-monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously was legal. Recently the fund has been legally approved to be paid
via Central Bank of Ghana. (Huh? Was that in English?)

So, we, the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc, in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting that your transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria legal. You have the legitimate right to
complete your transaction to claim your fund US$15.5,000,000.00 (Fifteen million five Hundred Thousand united states dollars) (again, the clarifications provided here are so helpful - especially amongst the abundant grammatical errors.)

Because of so much scam going on in Ghana. (Riiiiight. No scams going on here in my spam folder, though.)

We the federal bureau of investigation decided to contact the FedEx Courier Service Company in Ghana for them to give us their procedures on how to sent this money to you without any further complain or delay. (How thoughtful!) We just got an information from the Central Bank of Ghana and they have loaded your US$15.5,000,000.00 in ATM CARD and submit to the FedEx courier service company for immediate delivery to your doorstep. (Well. I just got an information from my common sense and it says 'are you kidding me?')

You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents. (Again, I am loving the wording here. Someone at the FBI needs to take an English refresher course.)

Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------
Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)
Mailing $200.00 00.00
Insurance $150.00 00.00
Vat $100.00 00.00
TOTAL $450.00
$450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only).

.............................. ..............................
Special Express (2 Days)
Mailing $180.00 00.00
Insurance $50.00 00.00
Vat $150.00 00.00
TOTAL $380.00 00.00
$380(Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only).

.............................. ...............................
Economy Express (3Days)
Mailing $100.00 00.00
Insurance$?150.00 00.00
Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00
TOTAL $300.00 00.00
$300(Three Hundred US Dollars Only).
.............................. ..............................

(I love that they give me so many reasonably priced options to have my millions delivered to me. Thank you, federal bureau investigations (FBI) for the convenient for me!)

You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above. Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly one week after the receipt of this email. After this period, your fund will be return back to the ordering costumer. That is the instruction given to us. So take note. (Note taken, thank you.)

We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/ Office address and postal address are certified OK. (Riiiiiiiiight.)

DELIVERY DESTINATION INFORMATION:
Delivery Terms: .............. .......International Delivery
Condition Of Delivery..............Priority Delivery
Consignment Note No: ........... MI 49866-2110
Color of Parcel: ..................... Brown. (definitely useful information)
Total Weight: ..........................36.2 kg
Total Net Weight: ...................1.7 kg

We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package. (And then what?)

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.

Best Regards,

THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

MANAGEMENT. (Huh? What happened to ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI.WASHINGTON DC. ?)
>>

SO?? What do you think? Should I go for it?

Okay. I'll tell you what. If you leave me a comment I'll send you $500,000,000 (Half A Million U.S. Dollars). I'm no hoarder. Just choose one of the delivery options above.

THANK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY.

13 comments:

Just SO said...

What I love is that Agent Mueller is so very close to Agent Mulder from the X Files.

That and they let you know what color the parcel will be.

Janet said...

That was hilarious!

Rachel said...

Oh count me in for sure! Don't be alarmed if my payment to you is the color blue and says monopoly on it. It's all legit. I promise. Just ask Agent Mueller.

Richard & Natalie said...

Wow. You are one lucky gal! I get these type of emails too, but none that are this funny!

Maleen said...

That is the most awesome spam I have ever seen. Thanks for sharing that.

Sarah said...

You get the best emails EVER!!! How fun.

Anaise said...

Why on earth would the package containing an ATM card weigh 36kg?

That is one crazy email. :)

Gerb said...

SO- Gotta love foreign X-Files fans!

Janet- It was the first time spam made me smile.

Rachel- Your package (weight: 4.56 kg., color: brown) is on its way.

Natalie- They usually irritate me but this one was awesome!

Maleen- Thanks for appreciating it. My red pen and I had a heyday!

Sarah- Not always... but this one's a classic.

Anaise- I wondered if they maybe decided to just send me increments of the cash and that was the first payment? ;)

Gina said...

I so enjoyed this post. Thank you.

Linn said...

I can't believe you are wasting time posting about that, when you could be so very rich. I mean seriously, I'm not sure I've seen anything that seems so legit and free of errors.

And that is one heavy, brown package for sure. One more reasons I definitely think you should go for it. In fact, make it easy on them. You can just post your bank info on the blog.

Lori said...

Oh, my. Does anyone really go for this crap? I mean, "(Well. I just got an information from my common sense and it says 'are you kidding me?')" indeed! This is so funny. I get these all the time, but I've never considered posting one like this. You're awesome.

Teachinfourth said...

Curses, Shanna totally stole my joke!

Ugh…I was going to make a reference about talking to Mulder and Scully before going any further.

Oh well, I should really comment sooner next time.

Missy said...

LMFAO I'm about a year behind, but I just got the same email today. I'm such a lucky girl.