Tuesday, April 13, 2010

About A Boy

there was a boy named Coolister.

Coolister was a fun and happy boy. One year, he was a junior in high school and he wanted to go to the prom. He knew which girl he wanted to ask, he even knew how he wanted to ask her, but Coolister had a problem. Part of the asking required running like crazy from the girl's house (twice), yet Coolister had a large black boot on his leg which only enabled him to quickly limp.

He surely would be caught!

Well, Coolister had a mother and his mother loved him very much. So much, in fact, that she was willing to do the running like crazy for him (twice) so that he could ask the girl to the prom.

Coolister and his mother gathered the needed items and drove to the girl's house. They parked just down the street. Coolister's mother stealthily made her way to the girl's front porch as Coolister watched the scene unfold from behind the front windshield of the car.

Coolister's mother carefully approached the home, placed the churned emulsion of sweet cream, air, and salt at the girl's front door...

...rang her doorbell, and then turned and ran to the safety of the shadows on the side of the girl's cottage so as not to be detected.

The girl's porch light came on and Coolister's mother heard a frenzy of footsteps and voices as the gift was discovered. Coolister's mother smiled and readied herself for an undetected escape back to the waiting vehicle.

But, alas, this was not yet to be.

A scattering of young boys made themselves known on the front step and yard as vehicles began to approach the girl's abode. You see, the girl's father was a scoutmaster for a group of 11-year-old boys and the appointed time had come for the parental stewards to collect their active boys.

Coolister's mother tried to become invisible.

It did not work.

Coolister's mother pressed her body as flat against the side of the girl's dwelling as she possibly could and stood as still as a statue while waiting for the boys to leave. It was almost as if time stood still. She watched, holding her breath, as the boys would come alarmingly close to where she was hidden but breathed a sigh of relief as the last boy finally departed.

At last, the coast was clear. Coolister's mother swiftly ran through the downy flakes that were softly falling from the skies and, quick as a wink, found herself in the safety of their transport.

Oh, how Coolister laughed as he recounted the story from his point of view! They drove to the safety of a local institution of elementary learning and prepared the second (and final) item which was to be delivered to the girl.

Coolister's mother loved him so, but she was now apprehensive about approaching the girl's residence yet again. She expressed her concern to Coolister, who simply looked to his mother and used a magical phrase to convince her to carry on with the plan. Can you guess what the phrase was?

He said: Mom, this is too legit to quit. You can do it.

And how can any mother refuse such words? Coolister and Coolister's mother drove back to the street where the girl lived. Coolister's mother insisted that they watch the dwelling for some time for assurance that she would not be caught. They watched. They waited. They saw a young girl in the front room, lingering near the large window beside the door. They saw a young boy walk from their main living accommodations to their parking garage. They saw movement and anticipation.

And then they saw quiet.

Coolister's mother, nervously this time, gathered the bowl full of popped corn ...

...which also concealed tiny, crumpled papers with letters on them which revealed Coolister's name, and slowly made her way to the girl's door. She rang the bell, and then froze in fear - but only for a moment. However, that one simple delay brought to her mind the realization that she would not make it back to the shadows that had hidden her so well earlier in the evening. She would have to find another place... and promptly! Glancing around she realized that her only hope would be to crouch in the fetal position in front of a low wall at the bottom of the stairs which led to her porch.

And so she did.

Again, the door opened. She waited, crouched and with eyes closed (because everyone knows that if your eyes are shut it means there is less chance of your being seen) as she heard excited voices gather the bowl and its contents and carry them into the house.

The door closed.

Coolister's mother had no desire to linger in such a position. She peeked up, her head showing just above the wall, and noticed a face in the window of the door, scanning the yard and surrounding area for any sign of the one who had delivered these treasures. Again, she dropped her head to her knees and silently prayed that her escape would come soon. She heard drumming and looked up just enough to see a boy standing sentinel at the window, drumsticks in hand. Coolister's mother knew then that once the drumming had ceased she could make her getaway.

It was then that a vehicle turned onto the girl's street, its headlights growing nearer and nearer to the place where Coolister's mother was attempting to conceal herself - in plain sight at the front of the girl's residence. Her heart began to beat faster and faster until she realized that, of all the homes on the street, the approaching van was indeed destined for the girl's.

Oh, what could she do?!

Coolister's mother immediately jumped up and casually walked toward her only hope for escape - the waiting suburban near the end of the block. She did not look towards the van as it passed her by. In fact, she even closed her eyes in the moment that they crossed paths on the road so that the occupants of the van would not be able to see her.

It worked.

Coolister and his mother laughed as they drove home.

They spoke of how this was, indeed, a mission that was 'too legit to quit'.

Even though she had almost been caught. Actually, especially because she had almost been caught. (Twice!)

The next day, when the girl answered YES to Coolister's clever query, all was indeed well.

And although Coolister's mother said that such things were not in her job description, deep in her heart she knew that she would do it all again if asked.

Such is the love of a mother for her boy.


diane rene said...

awww! what a great mom you are!! I love this ♥

Kimm said...

Ohh! What a great story!! You are like the coolest mom EVER!!

Kinsey said...

That is the best story I've heard in a long time. And that's a pretty slick line: butter you up... haha, it's great!!

Teachinfourth said...

I am pretty sure that you and I must really be brother and sister separated by different parents.

This reminds me of that time when we were kids; you know the one with the rocks and cans of Cheese Wiz?

Rock on, Gerb!

Kristin Garlick said...

Way to go Gerb!

Rebecca said...

I think I would have peed my pants if I had been in your shoes.

Well done, Gerb.

Richard & Natalie said...

You make me laugh! You are truly thee coolest mom ever!
Oh, what we won't do for our kids...
It actually sounds like a blast and gives me something to look forward to in the teen years.

Rachel said...

Oh my gosh Gerb! You are THEE BEST! How do we other mother's even begin to try to live up to you???

Pretty impressive way for Coolister to ask out his date too! I love it! And I love how you wrote it all out. You are one talented lady!

Chelle! said...

YOU are the coolest!!! Oh my goodness!!! I love it, just love it!! Can we do something like this at camp? That would be awesome!!!

Linn said...

You are the best!

Anonymous said...

What a great story - your kids must be so proud to have you as their mom!

Anaise said...


Shannon said...

What a fabulous story of adventure and suspense with a very happy ending!! SuperGerb does it again!!

NoSurfGirl said...

cutest. story. ever.

I'm sure the girl was giddy to be asked by someone so cool, with such a cool mom, too.

Natasha said...

How fun- that is a great idea to ask a girl to prom! Definitely glad you weren't caught, I was scared there for a second.

Deb said...

Absolutely wonderful! I love creative ways of asking someone out!

Katie said...

Too legit to quit. Awesome.

laughsquietly said...

I love the story. I was an only child and had no family nearby. I am truly jealous! What a wonderful family you have. God bless!

P.S. Yes you are a very cool mom.

Gerb said...

Thanks for enjoying my story, everyone. It was an adventure, to be sure! And we all know I would totally do it again. ;)

Anonymous said...

This is wonderful - what fun. You and Coolister will be talking about this through the eternities :-)