What Mom's Thinking

There was some serious weeping and wailing going on around here last week.  And no matter what I had to say, I was adding to the misery.  I was not allowed to voice any opinions or share any thoughts on how to deal with the situation because that only magnified the pity party and besides, I didn't understand!  These kind of situations frustrate me times infinity, especially when I feel like I have some genuine solutions to offer but the child in despair can not hear what I am saying because they can't see or hear beyond their own overwhelming thoughts and emotions.

Once it was obvious that my child was not listening to me and did not want to hear me speak, I put myself in time-out so I could think things through before saying things I would later regret.  I tried to look at things from my child's perspective.  I personally knew how frustrating the situation was because I had, in fact, gone through it myself quite a few times when I was a teenager.  I tried to think of a way to communicate some thoughts with this child without actually having to witness the inevitable eyerolls.  Nothing came to mind.

I went to search the internet for quotes about choosing to be happy despite whatever situation you may be faced with, thinking I could just put some quotes in this particular child's lunch, tuck them into textbooks and hide a few in the various pockets of a backpack.  I found a bunch of quotes that I loved and started cut and pasting them onto a document that I could print off.  As I was watching them print I had another idea come to mind.  Why not make a What Mom's Thinking spot in our house?  A sort of Here's What I Would Say If You Would Listen kind of idea.  The idea started to grow into something I had to do.  This would be a great way to share my silent thoughts with anyone who chose to read them rather than targeting a specific child.

I found some clothespins and attached the quotes to a long piece of ribbon with them.  I hung the ribbon from an empty curtain rod in our dining room and didn't say a thing about it.  I didn't tell anyone to go look at it.  I didn't tell the child who needed to read the quotes more than anyone to stop moping and go read them.  I just left them hanging there and eventually curiosity got the best of everyone and they all went and checked it out.

I am no longer an insensitive, non-understanding nag.  I am simply someone who wanted to have a little place to post some quotes that I like.  And even if the kids never read them I think it will make me feel a little better knowing that they're out there.  Kind of like blogging - it always makes me feel better to put my thoughts out on the internet knowing that someone might read them and understand.

Here are the quotes that I found about choosing to be happy instead of miserable when things don't go the way you would have liked.  I can't give anyone credit for making the quotes cute because I didn't keep track of where I found them - but none of them were made cute by me.  Just so you know.  I'm sure the guilt will get to me and eventually I'll find time to look them all up again so I can give credit where its due.  But until then, here they are:

Choose to be happy, friends!  It makes life a lot easier.

I can totally see you rolling your eyes at me.  Stop it.

Transported

I discovered this morning that there is a sad lack of photos of my pal Trish and I together.  

(I wrote this back in April but never posted it.  Today I was thinking about my friend Trish and all of the awesome memories we share and continue to create.  I remembered writing this, found it, and am posting it to share with her.  Love ya Trish!  When it comes to friends you are the real deal.)

"Red, Red Wine" came on the radio this morning as I drove the kids to school and I was instantly transported back to my old teenage stomping grounds: West High School.  I could clearly picture my friend Trish and I hanging out near our favorite little patch of grass in front of Building 3 or wandering the school grounds, singing our own version of "Red, Red Wine" to the disgustingly attached teenage couples we came across.  P.D.A.... go get a roooooom! You need heeeeeeeelp!...  Maybe we were singing it more for our own amusement, to help dispel the awkwardness we felt around them.  It sure worked!  We would laugh, amused by our own cleverness as we continued singing this mini-parody we had crafted about their obnoxious public displays of affection.

As I thought about it this morning, though - I wondered what the other kids thought.  The ones our song was directed toward.  The couples who would make out between classes and be awkwardly attached to each other all through lunch.  Maybe they felt like swapping spit was a way for them to ease their own uncomfortable feelings when they were embarrassed for the two giggly girls who maybe should have kept their voices to themselves?

Nah.  We totally rocked that song.  Still could if we had to.

First and Last

Today my Little O started kindergarten and my oldest daughter Elle (formerly known as ElemenoB) moved into her college dorm.  It is Little O's first day of school and Elle's last day at home.  I don't think any mom should have to deal with both of these things in the same day, but it is what it is.

Yesterday Little O presented me with this picture:

When I asked him to tell me about it he said, " This is you, the one with the girl hair, and this is me, the one with a lots of things sticked to me.  You can look at it when you are missing me so much while I am gone at school.  We are holding hands p-cuz we love each other sooooo much!"

After I got all of the kids off to school this morning Elle loaded her boxes and bags into the van and the two little boys and I drove her over to her new home across town.  After she finished check-in and we got everything into her little apartment I had to get back home to get Little O ready for kindergarten.  As we drove away I couldn't help but get a teensy bit teary.  Even though we'll see her again very soon and probably fairly often, it will never be quite the same.  She'll never really completely be here, in our home, again.  I know it's what we've worked at for so many years but it doesn't make it any easier.            

Half of this room is looking pretty empty today.

X and I took Little O off to his first day of school this afternoon.  Little O had no problems with our leaving once he was situated in his very own chair with his own container full of play-dough.  The problem was with X.  Once he realized that O was not coming with us, he started to scream and cry, "NOOOOOO!  My O! My O!  Where my O?"  He kept up like that the whole way home and I wanted to go back and get my little boy and tell the teacher, "I'm sorry, I've made a big mistake.  He shouldn't be here."  But I knew that in reality it was exactly where he wanted and needed to be so I went home and looked at the picture he gave me while X calmed down with some string cheese and a dose of Little Einsteins.

I'm going to miss these two this year!

Little O's first day of kindergarten picture.  He's so dang cute I can hardly stand it!!

My favorite (not her favorite) of all of Elle's senior pictures.  The wind came and caught her hair just so and made her look all supermodelish, plus she's got a genuine smile and a Star Wars shirt on.  I think you can see her personality as well - not only is she beautiful on the outside, look at the beauty behind those eyes. This picture is all Elle!

Back to School 2013

  My elementary school crew

This summer, as every one before it, flew by at the speed of whatever the fastest thing you can think of is.  A couple of weeks ago when I started getting school packets in the mail I thought they were sending them out earlier than usual (denial at its finest).  I told myself that I didn't need to buy into the whole idea of every kid needing new school clothes and then two days ago I panicked that none of my kids had new school clothes and took 8 of them shopping at the same time.  The best part of that day was when I had 6 of my kidlets somehow attached to the shopping cart at Target and two walking alongside.  They were happily and dramatically singing bits of Les Mis to each other (except for Little X who wouldn't stop singing Fish Heads) and quoting Monsters U when and a random kid pointed at us and loudly proclaimed to his mom, "Oh, WOW!"  I like to think we looked like a parade float of happiness.  I'm wishing in hindsight that I had taken a picture, but I didn't.

Anyway, yesterday was the first day of school for 6 of my family.  Our sleep schedule is still in summer mode but I think we managed pretty well in the morning.  I got everyone fed, packed lunches, prettied-up some hair and made sure that teeth were brushed.  All-a-Boy and Thumbelina biked off just after 7:00 and Cowgirl was the only one at the new bus stop just across the street from our house when the middle-schoolers' bus pulled up at 7:30.  Then as I concentrated on getting the elementary schoolers ready I realized I had forgotten to take pictures of the other three.  Oh, well.  I'm still living in a summer fog.  Some of them will have First Day of After School Pictures this year. 

First Day of School pictures:

 

Curly

Hubba

Princess

First Day of After School pictures:

All-a-Boy

Cowgirl

First Real Day of School picture:

 Thumbelina, who got her braces off yesterday - just in time!

Little O had kindergarten testing yesterday and he's super excited about going to school but really upset that he can't eat lunch at school like everyone else.  I'm pretty sure that if the "kindergarten testing" was really a test he would have failed miserably.  But he was sure cute trying!  The only letter of the alphabet he knew by sight was O because it's the first letter of his name.  He knew a few of the numbers and could hold his pencil the right way so I'll call it a success.  He also insisted on having his picture taken even though it's not his first day of school until next Wednesday.

ElemenoB moves into her college dorm next week.  She is also turning in her papers on Friday (as in, tomorrow!) to serve as a missionary for our church.  She plans to attend one semester of school and then serve an 18 month mission. She and Allen the Younger will overlap in missionary service by 6 months or so and won't see each other for 3 years.  That gets me every time I think about it.  

Allen the Younger has been on his mission for over a year.  I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but the time is flying and his weekly letters home (can you call email 'letters'?) have me checking my email every half hour on Mondays, sometimes into the afternoon.  I miss him like crazy but I love hearing about his experiences and the lessons he's learning.

 

 

I remember when old people used to talk about how time flies and I always thought they were crazy and sentimental.  I now have one child serving a mission, one going to college, a senior and freshman in high school, one 7th grader in middle school, kids in the 5th, 3rd and 1st grades, one starting kindergarten and just one left at home to keep me company.

   

I'm suddenly this mix between old people and weepy first-day-of-kindergarten mom and I'm trying to find ways to take in all I can and enjoy the happy moments.

Like seeing these faces when they can't hold still long enough to take a 'pioneer picture':

And remembering how lucky I am to be celebrating 21 years of marriage to this handsome guy:

Life is awesome!

You Get What You Pay For

This first picture is a starting-off point to help illustrate my story.  It was taken in June.  Please notice of the length of my hair.

I can't believe I am going to write a whole post about my hair.  But here it goes, because I want to remember the lesson I learned the hard way.

I have mentioned before that my best ever hair stylist cousin moved to Texas and left me and my hair all alone.  I'm not a big fan of change, so my hair was ignored for about a year.  The good thing was, it grew out.  The bad thing was, it got super frizzy.    I decided to just be brave and go get a little trim but I wasn't sure who to go to.

A friend recommended two stylists so I tried to make an appointment.  The first was scheduled out for almost 3 months and the receptionist at the second asked me to call back because they were too busy at the salon to take calls right then.

I remembered how I had taken All-a-Boy to a local hair school and gotten his hair cut for FREE with a discount card that I have.  I remembered how much he loved it and how good his hair looked afterward.  I figured I was just getting a trim to make my hair feel more healthy so it wouldn't be so bad to have a student do it.  I rationalized that they have instructors who supervise everything that they do.  So I did it.  I still had one FREE haircut available on my discount card so I called the hair school and made myself an appointment. 

I told the student who was going to cut my hair exactly what I wanted: just a little trim, maybe 1/2 inch off all around.  I emphasized that I was trying to grow my hair longer and just wanted it to be healthier.  She got her instructor and explained what she would do.  The teacher reminded her that curly hair is shorter when it's dry and longer when its wet.  A nod, a smile - understanding all around.  The student was friendly and told me she only had a few months left of school.  I was relieved to know she had some experience. 

After my little trimming of hair was complete she dried it with a diffuser.  "Your hair is SO curly!" she kept saying to me as I laid back in the chair so she could dry it properly.  When she was finished she asked if she could give me a messy bun in the back because it would look SO cute with the curls!  I agreed.  When she was done she showed me the finished 'do.  It was pretty cute.  "Oh! I forgot to have my instructor check it off!" she said and went to find her.  The teacher reminded her that she was supposed to have the cut checked off while it was still wet and unstyled, but everyone seemed happy so all was well.

I gave her a tip (because the haircut was FREE, remember?) and went about my merry way, feeling so cute with my messy curly bun 'do.  The next day I took the messy bun out and washed my hair.  When I looked in the mirror, it was obvious something was not right.   

The front of my hair was longer than the back.  I dried it with a diffuser, thinking it would fix the problem.  The back of my hair was really curly - because it was a lot shorter than it had been.  The front of my hair?  Pretty much just naturally frizzy.  I tried curling the front part of my hair with a curling iron but it only made things worse.  I pulled the longer sides back and pinned them up.  That was better. 

This first picture shows my hair pinned back, the way I wear it pretty much every day for the last 3 weeks since my hair disaster.  It looks pretty normal, right?

 When I pull the back of my hair to the front you can see how much shorter it is now. 

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!  Here's the new haircut without the pin-it-back disguise:

Can you tell that the front is longer than the back?  From just the front it doesn't look so bad. From the side, though...

Here are the differences in length when the back and front are pulled straight.

The worst thing is, it wasn't a FREE haircut after all.  I tipped the stylist-in-training $10 so I'm sure she thinks she did a fantastic job!

In haircuts and in life, it is good to remember that you get what you pay for.    

Quick Quips

(Little O is reading the Book of Mormon.)  (p.s. He can't read.)
Me: What are you reading, O?
O: This book.  It has lots of stories.
Me: Will you read one to me?
O: I'm reading this story. (He shows me a page in the book of Alma.)
Me: Oh, that's a good one.
O: It's about a boy who doesn't have a name.  But tomorrow he will have a name.  Because tomorrow is his birthday.
Me: Does he get named Alma?
O: No.  Alma is a girl name.
Me: Oh.  Too bad for the guy in that book named Alma and his son named Alma, too.
O: I was just kidding.  Alma is a boy name.  But his name is Hunter.  And he goes outside and the lightning is chasing him!  Because it's chasing-people-lightning!  But he is really a robot.  Also, he is not a Hunter.  It is just his name.  And when I marry the Pirate Princess someday I am going to name ALL of my kids Hunter.  And the bad guy's name was Bad Guy Making Robots Lightning Chasing.  The end.

Me: Dad and I are going out on a date.
Curly: (incredulously) You and Dad still go on dates?
Me: Sure, why not?  Old people get to have fun, too.
Curly: But aren't you guys already married?
Me: Last time I checked, yeah.
Curly: Then you guys don't need to go out on dates.  You're already in love.

Princess: Do baby teeth ever grow into big teeth or do you have to actually lose them to get big teeth?

(A recent dinner conversation at our house.)
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Curly: An artist.
Princess: A mom or an author.
Hubba: A mall security guard.
O: I want to be a police guy so I can kidnap robbers!
Cowgirl: I want to be a person who is kidnapped by O.
O: You want to be a robber?!
Cowgirl: You want to kidnap robbers?!
O: I mean catch robbers.
Hubba: Seriously.  I want to be a mall security guard.

Hubba: I think a lot of people around here must really like playing chess.
Me: Why do you say that?
Hubba: Because I keep seeing Pawn Shops all over!
Me: They don't just sell pawns at pawn shops.
Princess: Seriously Hubba? They sell the whole game of chess there, not just the pawns!

National Jamboree

 

 

All-a-Boy worked hard and saved money and made plans for almost 2 years to attend the National Boy Scout Jamboree in West Virginia this summer.  He was gone for 15 long days. 


We anxiously waited at the airport's baggage claim area along with a large group of other families.  We watched as every passenger, pilot and stewardess (do they have some more PC name for stewardesses now, since some of them are male?  Flight attendants?) from their flight exited the security area with no sign of any scouts.  Then finally they all arrived, walking in two single file lines toward us.  You'd have thought they had been gone for years when you heard the applause and cheering coming from the crowd as they approached.  All-a-Boy spotted us in the crowd and got his typical I'm super happy right now but trying not to smile half-grin on his face and gave us a little wave.  The scouts counted off and then joined their families.  All-a-Boy hugged every single kid, even the ones who usually drive him a little nuts.  I think maybe he missed us as much as we missed him.
 

He had all sorts of stories to tell of rain and mud and hay and the unpleasant smells that come from those three things combined.  He told us of patch trading and mountain biking and national monuments and historical sites and having the time of his life with a whole troop of scouts and leaders in New York, Washington DC and West Virginia.

So our family is almost complete again!  

Just one more year until Allen-the-Younger gets back from his mission for our church, then probably another year after that for ElemenoB who is planning to leave for her own 18 month church service mission in December or January.  I think we'll all be together again for about a month or so before Thumbelina plans to head out on her mission around July of 2015.  But who's counting?

Until Next Year, Camp MIA Shalom

 
I just returned from another week of young women's camp in the beautiful mountains of MIA Shalom.  It was an unexpectedly wet and rainy week with daily booming thunder but we enjoyed a couple of days of baking in the sunshine, too.  My week at camp is the one week of each year where I have time to slow down and study and learn and reflect in a place that seems closer to heaven than anywhere else.  I relish the rare quiet times there on the mountaintop.  I tend to stay awake long after the others have crawled into their sleeping bags for the night just to soak in the quiet and gaze at the stars or the moon as it glows brightly behind the clouds and occasionally peeks through the overcast sky.

I think that hike day is my favorite day of all as we walk along the rim of the camp and catch a glimpse of heaven in everything that surrounds us.  Every flower, cloud, tree, and rumble of distant thunder testify to me that there is more to life than what exists around us here below.  This song came to mind at least daily:

O Lord, my God, when I in awesome wonder,

Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made;

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee - how great Thou art.  

When through the woods and forest glades I wander

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,

 

 When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur

And see the brook and feel the gentle breeze -

Then sings my soul, my Savior, God, to Thee - how great Thou art.  

In a lot of ways this year was different than any of my other years at MIA Shalom.  I'm not sure how to explain that except to say that I learned a lot about myself and my imperfections.  I learned to count my blessings and find the silver lining in every cloud.  I loved watching my two oldest girls serve as leaders over the whole camp.  I am constantly impressed by their abilities and examples. 

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from this week.  Each is a favorite for a different reason.  And if you think it's too many pictures you should be grateful I didn't post all 350+ that I took because I kind of wanted to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

I didn't even realize I was photobombing this one.

Random Thoughts

Thumbelina & her pal Smiley along with Nacho and Rappa. You're never too old to play dress ups.

Sometimes, no matter what I do, people don't like me.  I just have to accept this as a fact and keep going, realizing that nothing I could ever do will change their minds.

At least, I have to try.

No matter how many kids we have our home will eventually be back to where it started - with just the two of us.  I just have to hope I've done all I can to make them want to come back.

But just to visit.

On the days when the kids think I'm the lamest/meanest/dumbest/most controlling mom ever and show me how they feel in what they do and say I just need to remember that they usually say they're sorry.  'This too shall pass' is something I say to myself in my head all the time.

But sometimes it doesn't pass.  And I wish I could stop taking it personally.

I'm pretty sure that when I say "get your jobs done" my kids somehow hear it as, "go do something that will create a huge mess in your room" or "ignore me right now".  But when I say something like "who wants a cookie?" or try to discreetly open a package of Darkside Skittles or a Chocolove wrapper they hear me with supersonic clarity. Even when I'm inside my closet, inside my bedroom, with both doors closed. 

When I run into my older kids' friends at the store, I'm never sure of what to do.  I always want to say hi and ask how they're doing but sometimes I'll make eye contact with one and they'll look away with such force that I worry about being "that mom".  You know the one.

Actually, I usually just try to say hello anyway.  If they have a problem with their friends' mom saying hi or talking to them then they can deal with it.  Usually they're very kind about it.

What I'd really like to do is suddenly break out in song, dance or air guitar when they try to ignore me.  Because I kind of want to be that mom.

I am SO in love with the idea of doing away with "graduation" ceremonies from kindergarten, 6th grade and 8th grade!  I would like to publicly thank All-a-Boy's middle school for putting an end to this 8th grade tradition a few years ago.

Don't get me wrong - it's super cute to watch the kindergartners sing songs about Jell-o and recite poems about what they learned over the year, but I can get the same performance in my living room without trying to catch video and take pictures of my child over the heads of the 20 people sitting in front of me.

This year I had kids graduating from high school, 8th grade (no ceremony!), 6th grade AND kindergarten.  I love them all and I am proud of them all.  But I don't need a ceremony to prove it.  However, I still attended all of the ceremonies because I am a good mom and that is what good moms do.

Kind of like how I go to parent teacher conferences just to hear how awesome my kids are.

I've figured out a trend in my life.  Whenever I want to cut my hair short it is typically when I am frustrated or depressed about something.  I have never liked the way my hair has looked when it was short but I think it's been an outward expression of my inner temperament.

I am glad to have figured this out about myself before I went drastically short, like as short as it was the month my dad died 12 years ago.  I have now decided to grow my hair out until I'm completely gray.  Then I will rock a curly pixie cut.  If there is such a thing.

I'm going to be brave in the way I live my life this summer (but not with my hair).  I was inspired by this song, thanks to the heads up from Thumbelina's friend Smiley.  (She's in the picture up top.  I love you Smiley!)



Dance-walking, anyone?  (You probably don't think I'm serious but I totally am.  Early mornings in my neighborhood are a great time for dance-walking and I'd love to prove it to you by having your company.) 

I am suddenly overly-sensitive to fresh pineapple.  This makes me sad because I love fresh pineapple.  But I could live the rest of my life without experiencing what I'm still experiencing as a result of what it did to my mouth last week.  Ouch!

I have so many plans in the works for this summer.  By "in the works" I really mean "in my head" but I'm hoping to see a few of them come to fruition.  Especially the awesome ones.  I'll definitely be writing about a couple of them when they happen.

My oldest boy sent me pictures last week and I can not even tell you what joy it brings me to see his smiling face serving the good people down in Texas.


Happy summer y'all!