Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Random Thoughts

 This is possibly one of my best finds, ever.

I don't understand green Skittles.  They taste the same way I imagine Lysol tastes when I smell it.  The yellows aren't my favorite, either.  But at least they don't taste like Lysol.

That's why I can always count on chocolate.  No matter what else is thrown in to a piece of chocolate - caramel, nougat, nuts, rice crispies - I know it will all work out just fine because there's chocolate, too.

Don't even suggest chocolate-covered green Skittles, though.  Who wants to ruin their chocolate with Lysol?

Speaking of chocolate, though - Toblerone was already some good stuff.  Then they went and made their stuff even better.  When I saw their newest bar on the shelf in its beautiful blue package (Crunchy Salted Almond, anyone?) there was no question as to whether or not I would buy it.  The question was if it would stay in its wrapper before I made it to checkout!

The new self-checkout lines at our local Sam's Club are the best thing, ever.  The only way to make them better is to allow you to pay with cash.  I think they should implement that change immediately.

We had a really great discussion at church a couple of weeks ago on acceptance, including others, and judging.  It has made me think a lot, every day since then.  Because I am totally guilty of unfairly judging others.  Not out loud, but in my head.  I hate to admit that, but there you go.  One of my big, huge weaknesses.  It bothers me that I do it.  So I've been trying to decide what it is that flips on the judging switch in my brain.  I think I've got it figured out.  I think that when others have something that I am lacking, something that I want or wish I had, I tend to judge them.  Why?  Is it because I am somehow elevating myself by bringing them down?  I haven't figured out that part yet.  But the good thing is that I'm aware I do it and I tend to stop myself now.  I want to be better.

I have probably judged you at some time or another, and I am truly sorry.  It probably just means there is something about you that is AWESOME.  So own that.

Today I am feeling hopeless and uncontrollably emotional.  I am in a daze.  I am trying not to feel this way but I can't help it.  I am one tiny voice in a sea of millions and this morning I realized how very alone that feels.  I hate to admit it, but I'm very, very scared.  And I'll leave it at that. 

What is a mid-life crisis, exactly?  I mean, I've heard of them.  I'm just not sure how to define one.  Is it when you start thinking that you can't wear R2-D2 t-shirts and Converse for the rest of your life?  And is it that thought that you need to grow up or the sadness that envelops you when you realize it's probably true that causes it?

Is it something brought on by major, unexpected changes in your life - like the death of a dear friend?  Or does it just creep up on you as you age, gradually building up in some recess of your brain until there's no more room to contain it and it slowly seeps out in the form of self-doubt and worry and fear?

I have no answers to these questions.  And I don't suppose you do, either.  But somehow it feels good to throw them out there.


Rachel said...

I'm catching your thoughts.... and thinking about them......

Don't fear. Saddened yes. But don't fear.

Midlife crisis is anything irrational that you want to do but need to cover it up with something so we call it a midlife crisis. Like my trashy boots. I like trashy boots/shoes. Rational to wear them? No, so I'll just put it in the midlife crisis file and everyone goes riiiiight and understands and lets me have my moment to which I follow up with some chocolate. Because we all know chocolate makes everything better.

Anaise said...

I'm sorry you're feeling scared. I'm thinking courageous thoughts on your behalf.

Rebecca said...

I totally get your afraid and emotional vibe. I couldn't sleep last night because I had so many fears crawling in my head. So then I thought, "I need to prepare so that I shall not fear." I'm working on identifying a few different ways I can be and feel more "prepared."

Mid-life crisis = having an affair or buying a cherry red convertible. So I think it's safe to say you're not there yet. ;)

Mindy said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts both random and deep. Thank you for just being you.

stephanie said...

Hello Gerb,

I think "judging people" is not per se a bad, but also a healthy thing.
You see, I have always had very strong principles against judging people, mostly because I didn't want to be judged myself. I kept a very very open mind towards everyone, and kept this rule in my head that everybody is the same.

The result was that I always, both in casual as in personal situations, ended up with people living in the margin, because for some reason or another their mind doesn't work like most people's.

Judging people is a survival mechanism. An intuition which tells you whether this is someone reliable, who will help you in your existence or whether it'd be better for you to take some distance.

Of course our intuition can be mistaken. And of course it's important to keep your mind open and not become one of those people who live only by judging others.
But don't smother what you feel inside yourself. There never comes any good from that, ever.