Monday, October 26, 2009

Pick The Winner

(Note: To protect the children in the following story, I will give them non-gender names. They are referred to as Kid 1 and Kid 2.)

Yesterday was our church's Primary Program, which is the day when all of the kids pretty much take over the main meeting (under the direction of a few adults) with songs and talks. Needless to say, it's pretty much my favorite day at church of the entire year.

My cute class had seats right smack in the front of the congregation so that everyone could enjoy their 5-year-old antics, but I don't think anyone enjoyed them as much as I did.

As the whole group began to sing the first song, I sang along with exaggerated mouth movements in an attempt to help my class remember the words. This only resulted in their making exaggerated mouth movements as well, which made me laugh. And then they laughed. So I stopped doing it, because I am the mature adult here.

During one of the longer talks that was given, one of my little students began to pick their nose. I would shake my head and give Kid 1 disapproving looks and Kid 1 would simply avoid eye contact and continue to dig. One of my other students noticed my expression and looked over to see what was happening just as Kid 1 examined the treasure on the end of his/her finger, deemed it good enough and inserted it into his/her mouth. "Gwoss!" Kid 2 said, chastising Kid 1. The nose-picker simply shrugged, unfazed.

At one point, Kid 2 began to grow restless. Kid 2 tried sitting on his/her hands and playing with his/her neighbor's clothing before settling on feeling around beneath his/her chair. I saw what was happening but could do nothing about it. Kid 2 began to pull some gum off of the bottom of the chair. I looked at Kid 2 and mouthed, "YUCK" and "NO" but he/she had already worked the gum free and was showing it to me. "This was un-doe my chay-o!" he/she whispered, showing me a sticky greenish-blue blob. "Put it back," I responded quietly, and then turned my attention to the song being sung. When I looked at Kid 2 again, he/she was happily chewing something. Something sticky. Something greenish-blue.

Who is the 'gwoss' one now?
I wondered silently, smiling.

So besides the uplift I received from the musical numbers and words spoken, my class had provided me with an unexpected bit of comic relief as well.

And really, does it get any better?
photo from parentsconnect.com

22 comments:

Rebecca said...

I shudder to think about this too long, because I feel a case of the dry heaves coming on, but I must say this...I'd chew gum from underneath a chair before I would ever eat a booger.

cari said...

You gotta love little kids!

Teachinfourth said...

Both are such tempting options...how could one possibly make a decision between them, Rebecca?

Sista Bwack, dis is gwossness. Tanks fo sha-whring it wif us. It madh me wafh.

Corine said...

You had me giggling and cringing all the way through. :O

BTY - We had our Primary program yesterday as well (secretary). I got to sit near one of my son's neighbor friends (who was at church with us for the first time, and had NO idea of how to behave in church.) It was quite interesting, but not nearly as entertaining as your experience was. :)

Corine said...

PS - I am sorry, but I simply CAN NOT pick the winner; it is WAY too nauseating to even think about long enough to do so!

Stephenie said...

love it! I still remember your comment about how to keep kids from putting boogers on the wall - teach them to eat them. When I find boogers on my walls, I often think of you and wish I could follow your advice. ;)

Amanda said...

I didn't even notice! I must have been preoccupied with the children on my bench...

Richard & Natalie said...

We had our program yesterday and I also sat with the 5 year olds, but your program sounded much more entertaining than ours. Maybe that was because I was next to my own son and frustrated at his irreverent behavior...
Anyways, my hubby gives a vote that the gum is more gross because it is from someone else and I guess I would have to agree. At least the booger was their own.

...I can't believe I just wrote that.

Rache5 said...

Love it! How hilarious! I'm also hoping one of those children wasn't mine--particularly the gum one as I teach my kids to put their boogers in kleenex. But I wouldn't put it past her to chew abc gum.

Sister Pottymouth said...

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Our program is in 2 weeks. I can't wait!

Gerb said...

Bec- Seriously? You'd rather enjoy someone else's germs before enjoying a salty little treat that you produced for yourself? What if you knew the ABC gum came from someone with a disease? Which would you choose then? (This could be a really fun game, I'm thinking.)

Cari- I absolutely do! I don't think it's any secret that I have the best class in the whole primary!

T5th- I shay-o because I cay-o.

Corine- They always are interesting, aren't they? My ward has gotten it down to a science where there's minimal commotion and lots of crying in the congregation (present company included). One little boy sang the second verse of "The Family Is of God" and just the sheer adorableness of his little voice and the way he speaks got to me every single time!

Steph- How am I not surprised that I would offer you such advice? I need to teach that one to Hubba...

Amanda- I wonder if their parents noticed at all? That's why I decided to keep it all anonymous. No one gets in trouble that way...

Natalie- Boy, do I feel your pain. I am worried that my 5 year old boy, Hubba, will never make it in kindergarten next year. He can NOT sit still to save his life. I keep telling myself that he is just very much a BOY but that doesn't make me feel any better about his irreverent behavior. In fact, he is WHY I teach the 4-5 class!

Rache5- Well, if this is who I think it is, I'll let you in on a little secret. Your daughter was not one of the kids in the story. You can breathe easy. ;0)

Sis P- It's the best meeting of the year, isn't it? Enjoy yours!

Kamie said...

A couple of years ago my nephew who was 5 got up in the program, forgot his part completely, and just stood there, picking, then eating, until the Primary President escorted him from the podium. I think his part was the most memorable of the entire program! :)

Cami said...

I am laughing and cringing all at once. That is totally gwoss!

I'm just waiting to see how Kate behaves during our Primary Program. Hopefully she will not eat boogers or abc gum from under her chair!

Sybrina said...

I love how you write the way these kids really talk. Mr K talks the same way (also a Sunbeam), and I think it is only because of the many times you've written like this that I've picked up on it! Thanks for adding a little more comedy to my day.

ablackman said...

Anybody who puts abc gum under the chair as they sit on the podium is beneath booger-eating, so likely the abc gum already had booger residue in it.

Rebecca said...

I really want to laugh, except I'm gagging. Why do I keep returning to see these commments? It's like a train wreck!

ablackman said...

Rebecca, the perpetrator can't help returning to the scene of the crime, right?

hintonrae said...

And the winner is...the congregation, definitely. What a show. Such a great story, Gerb--you have such a knack for telling them, and it just keeps getting better. I love this one.

Farscaper said...

Giggle.... Gag..

Giggle.... Gag...

Not sure which will win. That was soo funny.

I know it wasn't any of my kids since none of mine are 5 and we were late as usual.

Anaise said...

Oh, the primary program is just the very best Sunday of the whole year--and yours sounds like it was simply wonderful--boogers and gum and all!

Sarah said...

I remember my mom telling me that boogers were made of the same stuff as poop, so the thought of ever eating one was dis-gus-TING!

And I thought I might let you know, that I had ENORMOUS problems with my Mr. B in primary (remember my post on The Bleat?), but things have gotten so much better that I am looking forward to kindergarten next year. Your little on will be ok!

Chelle! said...

Oh, I love Primary programs. They are so entertaining!! Thanks for making me laugh out loud...thank goodness it is wee hours in the morning and no one is listening!!!