Saturday, April 26, 2014

Adventures in Potty Training (because someday this will be funny)

I am currently in the process of potty training for the last time.  This cute little rascal is not making things easy on me.

Starting with Princess (5 kids ago) my cousin Julie introduced me to an amazing book called Potty Training in Less Than a Day, which worked on the previous 4 kids like a charm.  Yes, the day I worked on it with them was long and frustrating, but by the end of the day they were all in undies full-time and never went back to diapers again, even at night!

Since X is now well over 3 years old, I knew it was time to review the book again and get ready for a long day of hanging out in the bathroom with him.  I knew it would be worth it because he would be all potty trained by the end of the day and I'd be done with diapers forever!  *cue angels singing*

Well, Little X had another idea of how things should work.

First off, I showed him how one of our dolls could use the toilet. (This is all from the book I mentioned, by the way.)  I sat the doll (named Star) down on the toilet and released a medicine dropper full of water behind it so it looked like it was going potty and then got all fake excited about it.  "Look X!  Star can use the toilet!  Did you see his potty?  YAY STAR!  Star is such a big boy!"  You know what he said to me?

"Dolls no go potty, Mom!  You silly!"

"No, Star DID go potty!  Did you see it? Should we give Star a treat for going potty on the toilet?"

"Moooooom! Dolls no eat treats.  You crazy!"

"You're right.  So, if I give you the treat will you wear underwear and go potty on the toilet like Star?"

After eyeing the treat, he agreed and the real adventure began.  Part of this whole potty training program is that you ask the child like every 5 minutes if they are wet or dry and reward them whenever they are dry (or doing anything they are supposed to) with all the drinks they want (so they'll have the urge to use the toilet all day) along with some treats and more fake excitement over their dryness.  I had a huge variety of drinks I knew he liked (sodas, juice boxes, capri suns, chocolate milk, etc.) so he'd be motivated.  I had salty snacks as rewards to keep him thirsty.  This has always worked in the past, but after about 4 hours of endless drinks he still had not wet himself or gone potty in the toilet.  His bladder must be ginormous.

I'm sure Little X was really starting to think I was crazy with all of this talk about using the toilet over the last 4 hours.  I kept thinking, why aren't you needing to pee??  But I just asked him again, "Are you dry?"

X: Nope!
Me: Wait, are you wet?
X: Nope!
Me: What are you then?
X: I'm Little X!

He continued to answer me every time with this so I gave up on the wet/dry questions and just asked, "Do you need to go potty?" To which he would always answer no.

Long story short, he was not anywhere near being potty trained at the end of the day.  All we had was a 3-year-old on a sugar high and a frustrated, tired mom.  The book says to just keep moving forward if this happens, picking up where you left off the next day, so that's what I did.  The first thing he told me when he woke up in the morning was "NO drinks today Mom.  NO DRINKS.  Just treats."  The kid is no dummy.

At one point I was using the bathroom (like I hope he will before college) and I came out to this:

When I asked him, exasperated, what in the world he was doing he answered, "Um... draw on the wall with red marker?" I let out one of those huge mom-sighs and asked, "WHY are you drawing on the wall?"  With fake excitement in his voice he said, "P-CUZ I DRY!"  I took the marker and threw it away then started to clean the wall.  As I was scrubbing he handed me this:

This is another thing I was trying to help sweeten the whole deal.  Every time he went potty or poop in the toilet he got an X toward earning a toy airplane he's been wanting.  He only had three Xs by this time but he had apparently decided that he deserved the airplane anyway and filled in the rest of the boxes himself.  He happily announced, "All done!  I dry, I draw you picture, I get my airplane!"

He just doesn't get what I'm trying to teach here.  Either that or I'm just not getting it.

I had to leave the house to pick some kids up at one point and I came home to X happily playing in a pile of dirt in the backyard.  In the nude.  When I approached him he yelled out, "ALL DRY MOM!!"  Maybe he's on to something?

I am SO READY to give up, but I am not a quitter.  Keep your fingers crossed for us, will you?


Mar C said...

Thanks for sharing a very funny story. It brought back familiar memories.

Angela said...

He is so smart cute little guy

Anaise said...

This is hilarious!!!!

My little fellow is not ready to potty train at all, but I'm watching for signs. I'll probably just hand him off to his older sisters--the same way I've handed off my last 3--for potty training. It's been very effective . . . and ever so easy on me. :)

Kara said...

my kids don't like how to books either. :) Oh well. Guess that means I get to write the how to book on non how-to children. Lol.

Blogful said...

I kind of love that an amazing stupendous mom of ten is having the same problems that I am. Thanks for keeping it real.

stephanie said...

Someday this will be funny?
It's funny already!!!

I think you've got a smart boy there Gerb...


HL said...

My boy was three months from four before he potty trained.

I was working with him since he turned three. Every time his diaper was changed I had him go into the bathroom stand on the phone book and go.

Then he stopped. Once he started pre school it too two weeks and he potty trained himself.

Hopefully your lil man will decide he's ready soon.