Wednesday, February 4, 2015

More Jokes For Kids

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer? Abominable!

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WATAAAAARR!

What happens to Pastors who eat chili dogs? They have to sit in their own pew.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says: ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."

What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?  BANANANAAAAAA!
Why was the broom late?  It over-swept!

What belongs to you, other people use it a lot, but you hardly every use it?  Your name!

Why don’t fish go online?  They’re afraid of getting caught in the Net

Why did the turtle see a psychiatrist?   He wanted to come out of his shell.

What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?  She had mittens.

How do you turn a beagle into a bird?  Remove the B.

Why did the dog get a ticket?  For double barking

Why are dinosaurs healthier than dragons?  Because dinosaurs don’t smoke.

What do snakes do after a fight?  They hiss and make up.

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

How do you make a cream puff?  Chase it around the block a few times.

Why did the banana go to the hospital?  It didn’t peel so good.

Where do sheep buy their clothes?  Lamb shops.

Where do spies go shopping?  At the snooper market.

Why does Superman wear such big shoes?  Because of his amazing feats

Why was the pony sent to the principal’s office?  For horsing around.

How did the flower do in school?  It got all Bees.

Why did the Christmas tree go to the hospital?  It had tinsel-it is.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What happens when a frog is double-parked on a lily pad?  It’s toad away.

What did the security guard say to the firefly?  Halt!  Who glows there?

Was the vampire race close?  Yes, it was neck and neck.

What do videos do on their days off?   They unwind.

What’s the difference between a chocolate chip cookie and a whale?  You can’t dunk a whale in your milk.

Where’s the best place to spot a man-eating fish?  In a seafood restaurant.

Is it a good idea to eat ice cream on an empty stomach?  No, you should eat it in a bowl.

What’s the difference between a bumblebee and a mattababy?  (Ideally, the person you are telling the joke to will say, "What's a mattababy?" to which you can respond,) "Nothin' baby! What's a-matta with you?"

Do you think clams are happy?  Have you ever heard one complain?

How do elephants speak with each other?  On 'elephones

What does a skunk do when it gets angry?  It raises a stink.

When is a horse not a horse?  When it turns into a pasture

What clothing does a house wear? Address.

What happened to the outlaws who went skydiving?  They had a chute out.

How does a quiet Hawaiian laugh?  With a low ha.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?  A carrot.

Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one!

How did the farmer fix his jeans? With a cabbage patch!

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep, dear.

What do you throw out when you need it and take in when you don't need it? An anchor!

What did the light say when it was turned off? I’m delighted!

What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle? A doughnut!

No one wants to have one of these. But when you do have one, no one wants to lose it! What am I? An argument

Why are pirates pirates? Because they just arrrrrgh!

What do you call a famous archer?  A shooting star

Did you know there are 3 types of people?  Those who can count and those who can’t.

Why is Cinderella so bad at sports? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and she runs away from the ball. 

1 comment:

Anaise said...

I like the fish in the tank joke the best, but I have a hunch that the butcher who gets behind in his work is going to be a hit with my kids.

My Alyssa (7) is really, really into jokes these days. She's going to love these!