Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Random Thoughts

Have you ever had to re-think your life as you thought you knew it?  This is something I've been going through lately and I can't stop running through it on repeat in my mind.  I've come to realize that my perceptions of my life have not always been true.  I am not sure how exactly to explain it.  I have always assumed that my perceptions of my life as I was growing up were accurate but I've recently discovered that I have remembered some things wrong.  And there are pictures that prove to me that things are not the way I remembered them.  That bothers me.  What is it that causes me to remember things in a way that is different from reality, to turn my perceptions into reality?  I used to think that my siblings were remembering things wrong but now I wonder if that's the case.  Maybe we're all wrong and we're all right because we all perceive things differently.  But which perception is the factual one?  It makes me nervous about sharing stories from my childhood anymore. What if the information I'm sharing is false, despite how I remember it?

I have also recently discovered a whole new extension of my family.  People I never really knew before who were suddenly there, a whole huge room full of them, all happy and smiling and welcoming and sharing the same values and beliefs as me.  And I couldn't even really enjoy it because the whole time I was fighting back tears at the realization of what I've been missing out on my whole life.  I wanted to take pictures of everyone but it felt almost as if I was going to ruin the moment if I did.  And now I want to get to know them all better but I'm apprehensive about inserting my family and my life into theirs all of a sudden.  I don't know what it is that is holding me back.  Maybe it's because I have a hard time with change and I'm nervous about stepping beyond the place where I've made myself comfortable.  Maybe I think too much.

I am constantly in awe of the things that music can do for me. When I am sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, nervous, scared, thankful, happy, or *insert other emotions here*, my favorite thing to do is think of a song that captures that emotion and sing it.  I recently realized that whenever I am in the car by myself I choose to do one of two things - pray out loud or sing.  And a lot of times they feel like the same thing.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give to those who are planning their wedding is this: hire a professional photographer.  Because even if that one family member who takes pictures is going to be there, they might just want to be family and not take a lot of pictures.  Or maybe they'll never get around to giving you the pictures.  Hypothetically speaking, maybe the film containing pictures from your wedding day will get lost.   Or maybe you won't want to ask about your pictures because you're not paying for them, so you don't get to see them until forever later.  (If they don't lose the film, that is.)  Or maybe 21 years after your wedding you'll go to an uncle's funeral and be given pictures that your uncle took at your wedding luncheon.  Pictures you had never seen before.  But it's best not to wait 21 years and just hope to happen upon some of your wedding photos.  It's best to spend the money on a good photographer because you're never going to be able to capture that day again.

My mom, my husband, me, my dad 

with my siblings 


mama, me, pop

(Thanks for the pictures, Uncle LaVerne.  What a treasure!)


Pam Farley said...

Oh goodness gracious me. No pictures?!? That's terrible! So glad that these turned up. :)

stephanie said...

Those pictures look like they come straight out of some American tv-series!!!
All so young and ready to change life, right?

Yes, I have come to that same conclusion, that memories are influenced by who you are or were at that given moment. And that things and people weren't always as I remember them to be. But I think this realization may be a good thing, no? Means we're growing.
And it also makes you realize that how you live and things now, is not per se the only possible way either.

And yes, everyone perceives reality in a different way. And if you think about how little we explain and communicate, because we take for granted that others understand things the way we do, it's a wonder that we actually do get things done...

Maybe this new family comes in your life at the right moment and not too late? Maybe they are just what you needed now?