Monday, June 25, 2018

Today's Random Thoughts

Hey, y'all. This feels like me this summer, this moment right now. I came into my room to eat lunch, consisting of sour cream with salsa and a big bag o' chips. My room, because that is where my books are.

My lunch.

These are the disappointed looks on my children's faces when I told them that I was not taking them to the Rec Center today. The weeping and wailing was consistent. I told them it wasn't helping their cause and it crescendoed. So I ignored them and tried to read my book.

"I hate you."

"You are the worst mom, ever!"

I am trying to teach my kids that they don't get to have everything they want, when they want it. I am sad to report that this is hard, but only because I have made it so. I have tried so hard to give my kids everything I didn't have at their age and now it is expected. It is a problem I have created and one that is not easy to reverse, but I am trying. 

This book is transformative, actually. It makes me want to get back to being authentically me. The me who loves dance-walking and has incredible ideas on how to incorporate ASL into it. The me who loves to be crazy and make others laugh. The me that is, at heart, happiest in a pair of jeans and a pair of Converse and a funny t-shirt. The me that hates make-up and loves my hair long and wild and free.
The me that wants daily dance parties and frequent trips to thrift stores and farmer's markets. The me who loves to make others feel loved and happy.

The me that wants my kids to love me, and instinctively knows they don't really hate me or think I'm the worst mom in the world. 

I used to love to run. Then I thought I hated to run. But I just figured out, this summer, how to love it again. (Hint: I was trying too hard and starting too fast.) I started off with a 13 minute mile a few weeks ago and today I pushed myself on 2 miles and averaged a 9 and a half minute mile. So I'm feeling pretty good about that.

We haven't planned any family trips this summer outside of the usual reunions, so I need to work on that. I would love another backpacking trip like the one we did last year in Oregon. Maybe...

1 comment:

Anaise said...

Well, my kids hate me every single day, so if yours are hating you sometimes, at least you're ahead of me. :)

Now I want to read a book with a bag of chips and some guacamole (even though salsa and sour cream are nice, too).