I don't 'get' a lot of things anymore, actually. I am reminded every day that I am getting old.
I have come to the conclusion that my kids are a huge part of my identity. I am a mother and it is the thing I am most comfortable owning about myself. So much of who my kids are is what I've invested the last (almost) 20 years of my life to and I love that each of them is a huge part of who I've become. I feel the joy and pain of their accomplishments and heartaches as if they are my own.
But I still like having time to myself, too. Grocery shopping or running errands is a welcome break from some of the tediousness of the home routine: breakfast,clean,lunch,clean,dinner,clean. Errands are my vacation time.
Another thing that will always be ingrained in me is music. I maybe talk about music too much, but it is a higher plane of communication that I feel so connected to. I had someone ask me the other day to sign a song that we were singing with the young women at church and I just kind of smiled it off. Because when I think of putting the words to a song which is meaningful to me into sign language, it brings me to tears. When those two methods of communication are combined I am transported to a place where things have deeper meaning. It is otherworldly and seems almost too intimate to share. I used to love singing and signing simultaneously but over the past few years I can not do it without bringing myself to tears. Which doesn't work so well when you're singing.
Deaf and Death are two very different things. I wish people would learn this. My parents are not Death. In fact, I do not know anyone who is Death. Deaf people = pretty cool. Death people = sounds pretty scary.
The English language can be confusing. Two of my least favorite heteronyms lately are the words read (pronounced reed) and read (pronounced red). Whose idea was that?
I disabled my Facebook account about a week ago. It was kind of feeling like high school (not in a good way) and I was spending more time than I needed to on there so I decided to take a break for a while. I didn't want to make some announcement that I was doing it or anything. I just did it. I had one friend call and ask if I cancelled my account and another email and ask why I blocked them. Perspective is a funny thing. And being off of Facebook has been the best thing for me.
I've been helping the boys in our scout troop here complete their Citizenship in the Community merit badge (I'm a counselor for it) and I've really, really enjoyed the community service part of it. I take boys in groups of three to the local food bank where we sort cans and stock the pantry shelves for a couple of hours at a time. There is a feel-good switch that triggers inside of me when I'm doing things like this. If I could, I'd go every day - with or without scouts.
I love this warmer weather that's slowly creeping in. I love sending my kids outside to bask in it and hearing the happy sounds of their backyard play through our open windows. I love breathing in the fresh air.
I have been so introspective over the last several months. Sometimes I wish I wasn't.
One thing I've been thinking about is how much of an influence I am on my kids. The person I am most comfortable being is one who wears a t-shirt and jeans and doesn't put much effort into hair or makeup. But I notice my girls being that person sometimes and I wish they would be more feminine. I hate myself in a swimsuit and didn't own one for years. Then I noticed that my older girls refused to wear swimsuits, too. So I bought one. But I am very uncomfortable in it. I could go on and on. The point is, I need to work on how I portray myself to my kids.
I just found out yesterday that Josh Groban came out with a new album. (Are they still called albums?) I can't wait to see what I think of it.
I love reading and hearing stories about heroes, especially true stories. I'm discovering that everyone is a hero in some way, I just need to find their story.
I re-discovered my love for jello today. Specifically whipped, layered jello. With bananas. Or finger jello! I need to make me some finger jello. ElemenoB had her wisdom teeth removed yesterday and I've been thinking up soft foods for her to eat. This is how jello has returned to my life. Hello, jello!
I need to find a good hair stylist.
I need to overcome my fear of trying a new hair stylist.
I need a haircut.
I need to log off and get kids ready for bed.