Friday, April 26, 2013

Random Thoughts

I thought I was just getting old because I don't understand why people like to hashtag everything.  Then this happened:
and I realized that people who use hashtags don't even know what they are doing!  Apparently it's like a way to say things that you could have just said without the hashtag, but more hip.  Who writes out a hashtag in chalk on a driveway?  And who decided to call it a hashtag?  It's a dang number sign, people!  I don't get it. I mean, it's been explained to me, so I get it that way.  But I don't get it.

I don't 'get' a lot of things anymore, actually.  I am reminded every day that I am getting old.

I have come to the conclusion that my kids are a huge part of my identity.  I am a mother and it is the thing I am most comfortable owning about myself.  So much of who my kids are is what I've invested the last (almost) 20 years of my life to and I love that each of them is a huge part of who I've become.  I feel the joy and pain of their accomplishments and heartaches as if they are my own.

But I still like having time to myself, too.  Grocery shopping or running errands is a welcome break from some of the tediousness of the home routine: breakfast,clean,lunch,clean,dinner,clean.  Errands are my vacation time.

Another thing that will always be ingrained in me is music.  I maybe talk about music too much, but it is a higher plane of communication that I feel so connected to.  I had someone ask me the other day to sign a song that we were singing with the young women at church and I just kind of smiled it off.  Because when I think of putting the words to a song which is meaningful to me into sign language, it brings me to tears. When those two methods of communication are combined I am transported to a place where things have deeper meaning.  It is otherworldly and seems almost too intimate to share.  I used to love singing and signing simultaneously but over the past few years I can not do it without bringing myself to tears. Which doesn't work so well when you're singing.

Deaf and Death are two very different things.  I wish people would learn this.  My parents are not Death.  In fact, I do not know anyone who is Death.  Deaf people = pretty cool.  Death people = sounds pretty scary.

The English language can be confusing.  Two of my least favorite heteronyms lately are the words read (pronounced reed) and read (pronounced red).  Whose idea was that?

I disabled my Facebook account about a week ago.  It was kind of feeling like high school (not in a good way) and I was spending more time than I needed to on there so I decided to take a break for a while.  I didn't want to make some announcement that I was doing it or anything.  I just did it.  I had one friend call and ask if I cancelled my account and another email and ask why I blocked them.  Perspective is a funny thing.  And being off of Facebook has been the best thing for me.

I've been helping the boys in our scout troop here complete their Citizenship in the Community merit badge (I'm a counselor for it) and I've really, really enjoyed the community service part of it.  I take boys in groups of three to the local food bank where we sort cans and stock the pantry shelves for a couple of hours at a time.  There is a feel-good switch that triggers inside of me when I'm doing things like this.  If I could, I'd go every day - with or without scouts.

I love this warmer weather that's slowly creeping in.  I love sending my kids outside to bask in it and hearing the happy sounds of their backyard play through our open windows.  I love breathing in the fresh air.

I have been so introspective over the last several months.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't.

One thing I've been thinking about is how much of an influence I am on my kids.  The person I am most comfortable being is one who wears a t-shirt and jeans and doesn't put much effort into hair or makeup.  But I notice my girls being that person sometimes and I wish they would be more feminine.  I hate myself in a swimsuit and didn't own one for years.  Then I noticed that my older girls refused to wear swimsuits, too.  So I bought one.  But I am very uncomfortable in it.  I could go on and on.  The point is, I need to work on how I portray myself to my kids.

I just found out yesterday that Josh Groban came out with a new album.  (Are they still called albums?)  I can't wait to see what I think of it.

I love reading and hearing stories about heroes, especially true stories.  I'm discovering that everyone is a hero in some way, I just need to find their story.

I re-discovered my love for jello today.  Specifically whipped, layered jello.  With bananas.  Or finger jello!  I need to make me some finger jello.  ElemenoB had her wisdom teeth removed yesterday and I've been thinking up soft foods for her to eat.  This is how jello has returned to my life.  Hello, jello!

I need to find a good hair stylist.

I need to overcome my fear of trying a new hair stylist.

I need a haircut.

I need to log off and get kids ready for bed.


Rachel said...

I hung clothes out on the line today. After they were dried I held them to my face and sniffed them as I said, "mmmmm". Apparently I'm the only one in this house that feels that that is a yummy smell......

I do NOT get the whole hash tag thing....... at all and I'm totally hip!! ;) Snort.

stephanie said...

Questions and doubts and likes and don't likes and plans and thoughts and tears and joys ...

I don't know if you realized, but... this post is very much alive, Life's pouring out of it.

My friend's wife has a rare disease with several symptoms: diabetes, kidney-problems, loss of balance, sight, hearing, ...
By now she's practically blind and hears badly even with a hearing aid. They are developping a way of communicating by strokes and caresses, because they know the day will come when this will be all there's left.
But she's alive, very alive, full of dreams and joys and sorrows, and she will be until her last day.
Deaf is not death at all.


Linn said...

I seriously LOVE your Random Thoughts posts.

I don't get hash tags at all. At all.

Oh the influence on kids--that has been on my mind A LOT too. What a blessing. And sometimes a stress.

When I temporarily got off of Facebook, I didn't say anything. Just did it. And ended up loving it so much I permanently deactivated my account. Best decision I have made in a LONG time! When I was going to leave, I left an explanation, mostly to get the emails of friends who I didn't want to lose contact with, but after about two hours thought, "Good grief, why are you explaining? Get off already." Did I mention best decision in a LONG time?

Take care cute friend!

Rory, Chocolate Hair/Vanilla Care said...

next time you're in cali we REALLY need to set up a date so i can help you with your hair. seriously, it's beautiful (as are you)! <3

girlsmama said...

I have a great stylist! She does it out of her home. She just had a new baby so is taking some time off, she's in Springville. Drop me a line if you're interested! She has been doing mine and my girls hair for about 10 years. #greatstylist (Sorry, couldn't resist. Seriously who came up with that one?)

Mindy said...

Can I say what a relief it was to read this post? This afternoon I saw a clip from Newsies that I was going to share with your page and when I couldn't find it I became a little concerned. Not because you're taking a break from FB - I think that's great and I should probably do the same - but because I was hoping that everything was all right. So, I clicked over here and found that you are indeed okay - probably even better than okay. :)

Thanks for this post. And take care, my wonderfully amazing friend. :)

Chelle! said...

You are my hero and I wish I was more like you. :)

Petersons said...

I love your random thoughts. Sometimes I think you can read my mind: hashtags, t-shirts and minimal make-up, no Facebook, crying when I sing (but I don't sign!), being an influence on my kids, and feeling like my identity is my children. On that note, I should say that they are all in school and it has been a bit of an identity crises for me to figure out "What do I do now?" After 2 years of all this "free time" I think I am figuring it out. I don't feel so much out of my element as I used to!

Shannon said...

Ironically enough, the first thing I did after reading this post was share it on my FB page, sans hashtags of course. The fact that you can see how everybody is a hero makes you a superhero, Gerb. Your random thoughts are some of the most fantastic things I've ever read (pronounced red)♥♥♥. :-)

Maleen said...

Gerb, I just love you.

And I don't get hashtags either.