Thursday, May 21, 2009

Embarrassment + Time = Comedy

It all started in my friend Holly's living room.

I had gone to her apartment to hang out, and there he was... her brother, Ted. He was laying on the couch, watching TV, as Holly and I went about our business. The fact is (and I am not proud of this), at the time I was pretty much infatuated with anyone who was male and paid any attention to me at all. I noticed Ted was watching us... and that was all the encouragement I needed.

In those awkward teenage years there was one thing I knew for certain: guys liked funny girls. And so I tried to think of something witty to say. Nothing was coming to me. Ted was still watching.

As Holly was talking to me I looked around and found a small, plastic object sitting on the counter. Its shape was such that it made me think of a walkie-talkie. I grabbed it and pulled it to my mouth, responding to Holly's dialogue with, "That's a big 10-4, good buddy." Holly laughed. I was clever! Hilarious! Witty!

I stole a sideways glance at Ted. He was still watching me, his eyes open wide. Yes, I thought. I have his attention. Before we know it, he'll be asking me to prom.

"Over and out!" I spoke into the plastic, holey walkie-talkie. Ted sat up. He was going to talk to me! Holly just kept laughing.

"Um, Gerb..." he started, obviously uncomfortable. "That's my cup."

"What? This thing?" I asked, inspecting it from all angles. "With all these holes, it must not hold much water!" I retorted, tipping the 'cup' to my mouth as I pretended to drink from it.

"No... I mean, it's my cup," he answered, looking slightly disgusted. "Not like a drinking kind of cup."

"There is no way this thing is a cup," I answered, smiling at him demurely as I batted my eyelashes in his direction.

Ted looked to Holly for assistance. She was trying hard not to wet herself. He continued, painfully. "You know how I play football? Well... that's my athletic cup," he explained, motioning toward his nether-region with a cupped hand.

Oh. His cup. That cup. I am sure I turned 37 shades of red. I quickly set it back down and tried to play it cool. But honestly, how do you recover from that kind of social suicide?


Oh, in case you were wondering- he never asked me to prom. I think he was the kind of guy who liked cheerleaders, not funny girls.

17 comments:

Sister Pottymouth said...

Oh...my...HELL!!! That is funny! Did you go wash off your mouth later? with bleach?

And why was that cup sitting on the counter? That's disgusting! He should have been the one who was embarrassed.

rorymckm said...

i totally remember that story, gerberta! too funny!

Gerb said...

Sis. P- You ask the same questions I did. Apparently you can wash those things in the dishwasher. I never got confirmation on whether I found it before or after...

Rebecca said...

I've seen your prom picture. That was definitely HIS loss. :)

And just because an item is dishwasher safe, does not mean it belongs anywhere near the dishes. Sheesh!

I'd like to know how much time had to pass before that was funny. The more times I hear that story, the funnier it gets!

Happy Hubby, JJ, Bugs, Nenie and Sadie Jo said...

be glad you didn't catch something.....i

b. said...

Great story....but, EWWWW!!

hintonrae said...

Crapola, that is hysterical. I'm glad my hair retrospective inspired you, because this has definitely inspired me to go searching in my Archives of Humiliation for some good tales. I suppose if I'm going to bare my kids' humiliating stories I ought to bare my own. :)
L

Gina said...

Thank you. Thank you for my long hysterical laughter today...and tomorrow...and the next day.

Kimm said...

That is funny! i think I'll be laughing for a week or more!! ha ha ha

You're great!

Mom not Mum said...

Hahahaha that was fantastic!

Cami said...

I think I would have been spraying lysol on my hands, and maybe even rinsing with it!

I ditto Sister P's question, what the heck was it doing laying on the counter????

annette said...

I've heard some good ones, but this one takes the prize!

(maybe a golden "cup" award? :)

Teachinfourth said...

I am speechless...I have no speech.

Shellie said...

That is too too too funny!!!!

Gerb said...

Rory- I think anyone who was around to hear about that episode would have a hard time forgetting it!

Bec- Totally agreed on the dishwasher... not a place for male unmentionables.

Jen- Pretty sick, isn't it?

b.- Yeah. It's funny now, but back then? Gross.

L- I can't wait for some stories of humiliation! ;)

Gina- As always, you are welcome. Thanks for reading.

Kimm- Thanks! Are you still laughing? ;) And by the way, you're great, too.

MnM- I'm always happy to supply a chuckle or two...

Cami- My guess is the dishwasher load was complete, the dishes were put away, but where do they put the "cup"? Right there on the counter, I suppose, until Ted felt the need to put it in it's proper place.

Annette- Nice one!

t5th- That was my state of mind as soon as I realized what was happening...

Shellie- It is now...

stamptherapy said...

AAAAaaaaaccccckkkkkk..... I almost fell off my chair... that was so funny!

Chelle! said...

...laughing hysterically...can not respond...