"Do you ever wear make-up?"
May I refer you to the picture at the top of this post. That was my 8th grade self, who discovered eyeshadow, blush, mascara, eyeliner and wet-n-wild lipstick all at the same time. Does this help explain? Or just frighten you? Allow me to explain myself.
I never had make-up lessons.
My good friend Jenny was lucky enough to have her initiation into the make-up world at Girl's Camp around the same time I was experimenting with my .99 cent finds from the end-cap at Thrifty's. Nothing seemed to work for me. I tried different combinations, new color schemes, read all the trashy teen magazines for tips on "How To Get Your Crush To Notice You", but still, nothing worked. At this point I settled for the boring eyeliner-mascara combo which served me well enough throughout junior high and most of high school. Then came the magical envelope in the mail that held potential for an overnight status upgrade: my invitation to compete for the title of "Miss T.E.E.N. Los Angeles".
Surely someone would teach me to apply make-up for such a grand occasion!
I filled out all the paperwork. I got sponsors. I borrowed the perfect dress. I practiced my talent like nobody's business. I performed all tasks that were asked of me - service projects, interviews, anything! And when the day for the pageant arrived, I showed up at the right place, at the right time, dress in hand, make-up bag chock full of all sorts of .99 cent treasures! Only to discover that I was my make-up person. I almost cried.
Miss Redondo Beach's mom was her make-up person. She saw what I was doing to myself, grimaced, then came to my rescue. Here was her finished masterpiece:
Sigh. Mascara and eye liner.
At the age of 19 I moved to Utah, where a whole new world awaited me. This was my first experience with roommates, and they were make-up experts! One roommate, Samantha (Sam, where are you?), was a lipstick aficionado. She firmly believed that there was never a reason to be without lipstick, and she was determined to convert me to her philosophy. She tried various shades on me and professed them all to be fabulous. I decided to be bold one day and actually wear some out of the apartment. On my way to campus, a friend of the male species stopped me and asked, "What did you do to your lip?"
That was the end of that.
One day soon after the lipstick incident I rushed home to meet this really hot guy that I was going dancing with (The Ivy Tower used to be so cool!). He was already there, waiting for me, and I promised to hurry and apply some make-up and change into dance-club clothing. Do you know what he said?
"Why do you even wear make-up? You look great without it."
And I thought, "I could marry this guy."
So I did.
One last story, and then you can go. (If you're still reading at this point, you might as well keep going. It can't get any worse, right?) My friend Trish is an amazing photographer. At some point, she decided to give it a try as a side-job, but she did not have a portfolio to show potential clients. Guess what happened? I got to wear my sister-in-law's wedding dress and be her model. Another sister-in-law, Christy, did my hair and make-up. So, here I am again, with a painted-on face.
Unless Jenny wants to give me make-up lessons.
p.s. Don't call me if you sell Mary Kay.